10 Ways to Ruin a First Date

10 Ways to Ruin a First Date


Sometimes we focus too much on the right things.  What about the wrong things?  It doesn’t matter if your Prince (or Princess) Charming, nasty habits will botch your chances at romance.  There are a lot of ways that you can ruin a first date.  I’ve decided to share the most destructive habits.

1. Using your phone too much.

Answering your phone during the date tells your partner that you’d rather be somewhere else.  If you can’t pay attention to him or her now how can you be expected to do so in the future?  Turn your ringer off, or just leave the phone in the car.

2. Dressing badly.

You don’t need to prep for a red carpet gala, but put some effort into your appearance.  You want to make a good impression.  Wear clean clothes that fit properly.  Iron out wrinkles, and avoid clothes with stains on them.

3. Dominating the conversation.

The date shouldn’t be a monologue.  Your person of interest (POI) should want to learn more about you, but you need to learn about him or her.  Ask intelligent questions, and give genuine responses. Pay attention to the way she or he responds.  The POI is libel to give subtle hints, like poor eye contact and brief responses, when you’re talking too much.

4. Talking about previous relationships.

Don’t bring your baggage into the first date.  Most of us have had bad experiences, but don’t let the past ruin the present.  No one wants to hear about your failed romance on a first date.

5. Failing to do your homework.

Find out what your person of interest wants to do.  Don’t make assumptions about the food or activities they enjoy.  Is he or she vegetarian?  Do they hate scary movies?  It’s important to do some research before planning the date.

6. Being negative.

Nobody likes a negative Nancy.  The key to getting a second date is being fun.  Commiserating has its place, but don’t focus your energy on the negative.  Find positive commonalities that allow you both to bond on a pleasant level.

7. Talking about commitment.

A woman once asked me if I wanted kids–on the first date.  There’s no better way to scare a man away.  You don’t know the first thing about me, and that’s what you ask?  The same goes for guys.  Don’t stress commitment on a first date.  You don’t know each other well enough to determine whether this will even last another date.

8. Settling for less.

Many of my clients come from relationships where they settled for less than what they really wanted.  Don’t start a relationship with man or woman you aren’t truly interested in.  There are worse things than being single.

9. Not going for the first kiss.

The best way to create awkward sexual chemistry with your partner is failing to go for the first kiss.  Some people will tell you to avoid kissing on the first date.  That’s bullshit.  It’s important to send a clear indicator of romantic interest.  Avoiding the kiss can create sexual ambiguity.

10. Having sex.

While it’s important to kiss on a first date, I don’t recommend having sex.  Sex with a new person can be exciting, but on the first date it rarely leads to a relationship.  Get your hormones under control.  Don’t rush.

These tips are for men and women. I’ve made all of these mistakes myself.  Don’t feel badly if you’ve committed a faux pas. Learn from your errors. Become familiar with these social snafus and you might make it to a second date.