4 Empowering Ways to Deal with Anxiety While Dating

Notes from this week’s video:

Of all the human emotions, anxiety can be the most debilitating. As the Swedish proverb wisely says, “Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.” And when you’re dating, it often seems like anxiety has the power to turn a small text message into a cataclysmic blowout fight that leads to heartbreak.

So, here are four empowering ways to deal with anxiety while navigating the often tumultuous dating world.

#1. Realize That Rejection Isn’t Reality, It’s Perception:

At its core, rejection is a personal interpretation. It only truly exists if you interpret an action as rejection. For instance, I recently had a client who was anxious because she hadn’t heard from a guy for two days after the second date.

I asked her if the guy was successful, and she affirmed that he ran a company with over 100 employees. I then asked whether successful people with busy lives might be slower to text to avoid appearing needy.

She agreed.

In this case, we reframed the slow texting behavior as a sign of a successful man with genuine interest, not as rejection. The result? He asked her out the next day, and now she’s in the best relationship of her life.

Remember, rejection is often a product of our interpretation.

#2. Treat Your Phone Like “The Dopamine Cookie Jar”:

Just as indulging in too many cookies can harm our health, overconsumption of dating apps or constant checking can negatively impact our mental well-being. Dating apps, with their notifications and ‘matches,’ can be addictive sources of dopamine, leaving us perpetually craving more.

Like how I limit my intake of delicious chocolate chip cookies (I really love them), managing the time spent on dating apps is crucial. This ensures they remain a tool for connection rather than a source of anxiety.

#3. Realize That Your Love Life Is a Mirror of Your Actual Life:

While we often focus intensely on our dating lives—what to say, what to do—we sometimes neglect our overall well-being. Are we sleeping enough, managing stress, exercising, and spending time with positive people? If not, it’s no wonder we experience anxiety in dating.

Visualize your romantic endeavors as a series of inputs and outputs. Your actions, mindset, and environment (inputs) will inevitably influence your dating experiences and relationships (outputs). Aim for positive, genuine inputs to yield more authentic and fulfilling outputs.

#4. Seek Objective Feedback:

Dating can lead to hyperfocus on details and irrational anxieties. By sharing your experiences with trusted friends, advisors, or dating coaches, you gain an external perspective that might be more objective than your feelings.

In conclusion, dating anxiety can be overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to control your love life. Remember that rejection is often a matter of perception, manage your digital consumption wisely, ensure your love life mirrors your overall well-being, and seek objective feedback to stay grounded. By implementing these empowering strategies, you can navigate the dating world with confidence and ease.