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My boyfriend and I are both 31 years old and have been dating for 3 years. Recently I moved back to my hometown to finish school. I only have 8 months to go, during which my boyfriend and I have a long-distance relationship.
After this is over, we are both ready to settle down, get married and have kids. He is a great guy who treats me well and will do whatever it takes to be with me. My issue is that I am scared of committing to him. Our relationship is a classic case of high chemistry, low compatibility. What I mean is that we have great sex, but I sometimes feel like he doesn’t “get” me. I guess I’m scared to let him go because I know he’s a catch, but I’m worried that he’s not right for me. Can I improve our compatibility somehow? Or is this doomed to stay as is?
Thank you!
Sabrina
This is kind of a trick question, Sabrina.
You’re not really asking me to improve your compatibility.
You’re asking me if I think you should marry this man.
I don’t.
You’re asking me if I think you should marry this man. I don’t.
Nothing about it sounds healthy.
- Long-distance relationship.
- You’re scared of committing.
- You have “low compatibility.”
- He doesn’t “get” you.
- You’re worried he’s not right for you.
- You think things are “doomed” if they stay as they are.
To be fair, there’s a lot of information you certainly left out of your query, but what you put in is quite revealing. Your gut is telling you that this story doesn’t have a happy ending.
But you want to ignore your gut — or, maybe ask a dating coach how to rewrite what your gut is telling you.
Sorry. Your gut is telling you the truth. I’d be lying if I said otherwise.
Sorry. Your gut is telling you the truth. I’d be lying if I said otherwise.
By your estimation, you don’t feel “safe, heard, and understood,” your relationship doesn’t seem solid, you can’t relax, and you have little faith in your future unless he changes.
Not to give away the punchline of my free online training, but the #1 way you can tell a man is right for you is a lack of anxiety.
So what’s keeping you here? Great sex? A guy who treats you well? The perception that he’s a “catch” even though he doesn’t get you? 3 years of sunk costs?
Please, spare yourself from being another divorce statistic.
Instead of “trying to improve your compatibility” (a skill that can be tackled if he were a healthier partner), go find another guy who doesn’t trigger your anxiety so much.
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