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You have standards.
You know what you’re worth.
And you’re never gonna settle for less.
I’m right there with you. (Boy, am I there with you!)
As a result of my high standards, I became a dating coach. I may have been labeled a “serial dater” by CNN when I was 32, but I was actually one of those rare guys who took his love life seriously at a young age. My parents were married for 30 years before my dad passed away, and it was their amazing marriage that I’ve always wanted to emulate.
You should never give up your standards, but… you’re quite possibly passing up the love of your life right this very moment.
When you have such a high bar to jump, you’ll likely find that most people fall short.
I’m sure you feel the same way. You’ve spent way too much time spinning your wheels on the wrong men to give up your lofty standards NOW.
As your friend, I want to tell you that you should never give up your standards, but that you’re quite possibly passing up the love of your life right this very moment.
I spent ten years dating online, passing up amazing women, and finding plenty of justifications for it. Then I figured out what I was doing wrong.
Click here to learn what you’ve been doing wrong in online dating – and, more importantly, learn how to get it RIGHT.
No doubt about it, you and I have some seriously high (and well-deserved!) standards.
Which partially explains how, between the ages of 25-35, I dated over 300 women.
I’m not proud of that. That’s a lot of failed dates, complete with all the rejection, confusion, and frustration that comes with them.
The silver lining to all of these experiences was that, as I got older, I found myself making much better decisions.
No more dysfunctional relationships with hot, toxic women.
No more jealous fights with women who had been burned in the past.
No more tolerance for petty insecurities or highly critical partners.
My taste was getting better and the quality of my girlfriends was consistently higher.
But it was January, 2007 and I was still single – despite writing a book called “Why You’re Still Single”! And all the money and media accolades in the world couldn’t take the sting out of that irony.
Then, I met a woman at a party.
We talked all night.
We started hanging out once a week, then twice a week.
We never fought. We always laughed.
Two years later, we were married.
And (here’s the punch line)…
I never, never, never would have written to her on Match.com.
Did I say never? I mean NEVER! And my reasons were justified…
She was 38. I was 35. Online, I set my search parameters for 25-36. I wanted to have kids but I didn’t want to feel rushed by a ticking clock.
She lived in North Hollywood. I lived in West Hollywood. If you know Los Angeles, she’s geographically undesirable. No one wants to hop on a freeway to spend the night.
She’s Catholic, I’m Jewish. I’m not religious, but why should I complicate things with my future children?
She’s right-leaning, I’m left-leaning. I actually lean a lot harder than she does, which makes the fact that she doesn’t agree with me even more intolerable.
We don’t give perfectly amazing people a chance. And then we complain that there’s no one out there to date.
These are just the criteria that would prevent me from seeing her in a SEARCH.
But what if she had an average photo next to her attractive blonde friends?
What if she wrote a generic essay that was overly reliant on adjectives and clichés?
What if she quit after one month on Match because she couldn’t find any good guys?
I never would have met my wife online for two reasons: because I wasn’t open enough to see her good qualities, and because she wasn’t putting the proper effort into online dating.
This is the essence of why it’s so hard to connect.
We don’t give perfectly amazing people a chance. And then we complain that there’s no one out there to date.
This is a belief we create to justify our single status.
And yet it’s really, really easy to think it’s true.
God knows, you’ve probably wondered whether there was anyone out there for you.
I promise you, there is. You may just be surprised at the packaging.
To make sure you see how this applies to YOU, check out the first CD in my Finding the One Online audio series, where I help you shape your mindset for online dating success.
If I had known when I was 25 what I finally figured out at 35, it DEFINITELY wouldn’t have taken me 300 dates to find the love of my life. If you want to stop wasting time pursuing the wrong men, click here.
But before you go, I want to relate to you one more story.
It’s the story of a client named Tina who invested in me as her dating coach for my 12-Week Commitment Course.
As part of her training in understanding the opposite sex, I recommended she take a weekend course called Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women. During the program, the course leader brings three men on stage to share their points of view.
Tina, an attractive, successful 41-year-old from the Midwest, watched the men as they walked across the stage and sat down for their roundtable discussion.
Before they spoke, she sized them each up individually: Would I date this guy or not?
If I had known when I was 25 what I finally figured out at 35, it DEFINITELY wouldn’t have taken me 300 dates to find the love of my life.
“No,” was her silent verdict.
First guy was too heavy.
Second guy was too old and grey.
Third guy was too short.
No one was her type. No big deal. That’s life. Besides, she was just watching these men on stage. She wasn’t really evaluating them as dating candidates.
Then Tina heard the men speak.
All were bright, articulate, and self-aware. After fifteen minutes of listening to them, it occurred to her that she would actually date ANY of them.
That wasn’t her REAL revelation.
But this was:
These men were the same exact guys she was ignoring every day on Match.com!
Too short. Too fat. Too old. Too far away. Too whatever.
This is wisdom.
This is power.
This is the kind of insight that changes lives.
It’s one thing for me to tell you, “Remain open to the unexpected!” It’s another thing to figure that out for yourself. But I’ll tell you, pretty much all of my friends who have gotten married have opened up to something that didn’t fit their ideal archetype.
Pretty much all of my friends who have gotten married have opened up to something that didn’t fit their ideal archetype.
One woman compromised on money.
One man compromised on age.
Another woman compromised on distance.
Another man compromised on race.
Another woman compromised on disability.
Remember, these are the people who are FINDING each other, and forging LASTING PARTNERSHIPS, while the rest of us scramble around with our checklists, deeming everyone unfit for our love.
As a lifelong bachelor dating coach who finally got married in 2008, I am not saying that you should settle, that I know better than you, or that you should give up all hopes of finding a transcendent love.
I’m just saying that you don’t know what you don’t know.
And until you open up to the unknown, you have no idea what you’re missing.
I’d have missed my own spouse.
You might be doing the same thing. Click here and I’ll help you find the partner you deserve.
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