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Doctor’s Note: Sometimes I get letters that don’t merit a response or are so short that they aren’t practical for a full column. So today we’re going to clear a few out in an advice lightning round…
Dear Dr. NerdLove: I am an older man who is 64. My girlfriend who is 33 is very unattractive. I believe she only dates me because she is so ugly no one her age would date her that’s why she is with an old man. She has a nice body but has a face of a man. I know this relationship isn’t going to go anywhere but I lost my family for this ugly women. What should I do? Should I do the right thing and break up with her because she is too young for me or should I just keep dating her because I know she isn’t going to leave me because of her foul looks.
Butterface
My guy, I have a lot of questions, but I think it all comes down to “why are you dating her in the first place?” If she’s that unattractive to you and you know this relationship isn’t going anywhere and you somehow have had severe family conflicts over your relationship with her, then why in pluperfect fuck are you dating her at all? What’s the upside for anyone involved here?
You don’t seem to actually like her and she seems to be a net negative in your life. It sounds to me like you’d both be better off just ending things and calling it a day.
Dear Dr. NerdLove:
If a woman says her life is unfulfilled it’s the man’s fault. If a man says the exact same thing its the man’s fault. What does it take for the women to be the problem?
He Man No Girls Club
I’d have more of an answer for you if I understood what the hell you’re talking about, HMNGC. You sound like you’ve taken the most anodyne and generic complaint possible and somehow decided that “everyone” says it’s because of a man and not, I dunno, life under capitalism.
Like, what’s unfulfilled here? Is she stuck in a shitty dead-end job? Is life not going the way that she hoped? Did she give up on the dreams of her youth and is now wondering what life would have been life if she hadn’t?
Or did you watch too much Mad Men and decide that the complaint of housewives in the 60s (which is its own ball o’ wax) is still in effect in the 20s?
Like, give me some context here, because otherwise it sounds like you’re talking about the pressure for women to work a full-time job, manage her life as well as the life of her partner and family (if she has one) and also do the lion’s share of the housework. Which is very much a “men are not taking equal part in the division of household labor” issue, something that’s continuing on today.
The same with “when a man says the exact same thing” – OK and what’s your basis for comparison here? Are they saying the same thing and meaning that they’re unfulfilled in the same way?
What does it take for women to be the problem? When women are actually causing the issue and not the ramblings of a guy who sounds a lot like “well if women have equal rights, why can’t I hit them?” and not stopping to ask why his go-to example was punching someone.
Here goes. I’ve been seeing this guy for over 3 years. I had feelings, now I’m just nervous and unsure. FWB. Is what we had. But he’s been strange and sneaky. Breaks my things. Steals my personal things. Keys to home disappeared for a week. Someone is getting into the house. Cloths cut up, furniture carved and picked at.
Carpet stained with burn marks
… Purses missing. And yet he still comes around uninvited. My nerves are shot. What do you think is going on. He’s getting weird. And I don’t feel safe around him anymore. He actually left me in a strange neighborhood after 2:30 in morning. I had to walk home. 3 miles away. Why is he all the sudden acting like this?
Stalker No Stalking
This isn’t a question for a loudmouth with an advice column, this is a question for the cops.
Get friends that you trust to back you up then dump this guy and make sure he doesn’t come back around, change all your passwords (bank, wifi, streaming services social media, all your email, everything, do NOT repeat passwords) get a new alarm system with indoor cameras (and a few hidden ones), change the alarm system’s password from the default to a long series of numbers and letters (do NOT write this down anywhere he can get ahold of it), change all the locks, then get a lawyer, bring all the footage and go to court to get a restraining order against your soon to be ex-FWB.
Get him the fuck out of your house and your life ASAP, set up every possible obstacle and deterrent to KEEP him out and don’t look back.
Men are constantly using me for sex , why do I always allow it to happen??
Doormat
Are you hoping for their approval? Are you worried that you won’t find love if you don’t make other people happy? Are you overestimating the level of attraction and commitment the guys you’re dating have for you and having sex before you’re ready because you feel like maybe this time is The One?
Dig into why you’re both choosing these men and why you’re having sex with them, especially if/when you’re not ready or willing and don’t have sex with them unless and until a) you’re sure they’re worth your time and/or b) the sex would be good enough to roll the dice in the first place.
And pick better men to date. Much, much better men.
I want a good relationship
The Seeker
Shit, don’t we all?
I’m a recent highly sexual widow of near 2 years. At 82 (can pass for 60), I long to make love with a clean decent young college male. And or a 21 year old male virgin.
CougarTown
Ma’am, this is a Wendy’s…
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