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We all have unconscious habits that sometimes can wreak havoc on our dating lives and turn off the best of dates.
Self-sabotaging behaviors can show up as a coping behavior to help us protect ourselves from being hurt or lack awareness of how our actions affect others.
Today we will discuss five self-sabotaging behaviors to avoid on dates, so you can have a better chance at finding that special someone.
Overthinking Everything
Overthinking can lead to paralysis by analysis. When we overthink everything, we start to see problems where there aren’t any.
Instead of letting the conversation flow and enjoying the moment, we start to worry about whether we’re being witty enough or if we look awkward.
Of course this behavior only leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you are looking at the worst-case scenario every time, you may unconsciously self-sabotage the opportunity to save your heart from being broken.
We might pick up a nervous chatter or start thinking this person isn’t going to like me anyway, so we’ll make some off-color joke to push them away. The attitude of “I’ll dump them before they can dump me.”
In reality, you can’t predict the future. Try to focus on the present, stop going to the future or the past. This behavior only keeps you stuck in one place. Learn how to be present with the person in front of you, and trust that the worst-case scenario rarely happens.
Bringing Up the Ex on the First Date
Talking about your ex too much on a first date is a huge no-no. It makes you look like you’re not over them and that you’re not ready to move on. It also sends the message that the person sitting across from you is not as important as your ex.
However, after a few dates, it is appropriate to discuss what you learned from your past relationships.
It is important to avoid shaming and blaming your ex. When you blame and don’t take accountability for the part you played in the relationship’s failure, you come off as a person who lacks self-awareness.
Share what you learned and what you would do differently this time around. Your accountability helps your date see that you have grown from the experience.
Being Negative
Nobody wants to go on a date with a negative Nancy. Being negative can bring down the mood and make the other person feel uncomfortable. Avoid complaining about how horrible your dates have been or how your online dating experience sucks.
Try to stay positive and keep the conversation light and fun. Talk about what inspires you and things you are passionate about. Love live music? Talk about the last concert you went to.
If you’re having a bad day, it’s okay to mention it (only spend a few minutes), but try to move on to more positive topics that make you both laugh and feel at ease.
Speaking More than Listening on a Date
When we’re nervous or uncertain, it’s common to talk more than listen on a date. But if we want to make a genuine connection, it’s important to ask meaningful questions and truly listen to our date’s stories and perspectives.
It’s not only polite, but it shows that we’re interested in getting to know them beyond surface level conversations. They say we have two ears and one mouth, so spend 80% of the time listening and 20% of the time asking questions. Remember the dance is that you both switch up, and your date should be asking you questions as well.
By striking a balance between asking and listening, we can create a comfortable and engaging environment for great conversations to take place. Let’s ditch the monologue and dive into the art of asking thoughtful questions.
Not Being Yourself
One of the biggest self-sabotaging behaviors is not being true to yourself. Most singles I work with fall into the Marketing Trap. When we try to be someone we’re not, we come across as insincere and inauthentic.
The person in front of you wants to get to know the real you, not some version that you think they’ll like better. Don’t pretend to play tennis if you don’t like it. Own who you are. It acts as a filtering system to bring the right person into your life.
In my Conscious Dating Programs, you learn how to be the chooser. Rather than morphing yourself to fit someone’s narrative, focus on whether you like this person or not. You should ask yourself, “Does this person have the qualities that make a great partner? Do they make me feel accepted and safe around them?”
So, be authentic and focus on screening them based on the values you are looking for rather than trying to impress them.
Remember, you are worth getting to know. Invest your time in creating self-awareness of sabotaging behaviors. The more conscious you become you will attract the same because like attracts like.
The person sitting across from you is there because they want to get to know you. So, take a deep breath, relax, and have fun! If you need support in breaking your self-sabotaging behaviors, I’m here to help. Book a Free Relationship Readiness Review call with me here.
Want even more signs you may be self-sabotaging your relationship? Check out this video!
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