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Don’t Ever Say Sorry To A Woman! Say “This” Instead!
You may be asking, “What if I really did screw up, Anna? She’s a good one, I don’t want to lose her!”
Yep, you may need to apologize but don’t ever say SORRY to a woman.
Have you been in any of these situations:
You…
…canceled a date to go out with the boys and ended up flirting with Ashley, didn’t tell your girl and got caught because of social media?
You…
…did a lot more than flirt with Ashley?
You…
…spent your savings on the next hot NFT and now can’t pay your share of the rent—or mortgage?
You…
…lost your job (again) because you lost your temper (again)?
What if your actions (or inactions) have truly hurt her and she’s demanding an apology?
And what if she’s so upset she’s crying?
As you probably know, a woman’s tears are Kryptonite to many men!
When you see the waterworks, you often say anything to make them stop.
Warning: Don’t ever say sorry to a woman under these circumstances!
Fine gentleman, I’m not saying there aren’t times when you’ll need to “man up” for what you did. You will.
If you truly messed up and broke trust or actually disrespected her, you need to take ownership of that.
Just like you’d want her to; just like she should!
Or maybe it’s something relatively innocent and simple like getting caught obviously checking out another hottie while you’re with your girl?
Regardless of the reason, in many instances when you say the words “I’m sorry” you look weak and instead of her just feeling hurt, disappointed or angry, now she’s also lost respect for you.
And because she doesn’t even recognize that within herself, she feels confused and even more frustrated.
Remember, most women don’t even understand their own emotions, so it’s no wonder you haven’t been able to decode us!
What’s a guy to do?
If I’m saying, “Don’t ever say sorry to a woman,” what do you say when you have screwed up?
Let’s explore!
Just before we get to the magical words that work wonders, let’s look at weakness vs strength.
Weakness vs Strength
The key to a sincere apology without looking weak or needy is in owing the mistake while not cowering to her emotions.
Read that again.
If you cower or grovel to her emotions, it’s like throwing gas on a fire.
She doesn’t want you to be weak!
She does want you to be strong while taking ownership of what you did.
Key Point!
If she feels you are being weak, she not only doesn’t respect you but subconsciously she doesn’t think you’ll have the strength to change that behaviour in future.
Read THAT again.
If she thinks you’re apologizing out of fear—of her temper, of losing her—instead of apologizing because of your values, she won’t trust the apology.
Whereas, if you own the mistake because of your values, she can appreciate that strength and trust you will at least try to not do it again because you respect yourself never mind her.
Weakness, cowering, grovelling come from a place of fear.
Fear of not feeling good enough (for her) and fear of losing her or dealing with her disapproval.
Strength and accountability come from a place of love and respect.
Love and respect for her but, more importantly, for yourself.
Woah, right?
Ok, now let’s look at some magical words to use instead of, “I’m sorry” and the one time it may be ok to use a modified, “I’m sorry.”
These Magical Words Work Wonders
Let’s look at the examples from the intro.
Cancelled a Date
You got caught on social flirting with Ashley.
Before you get too hard on yourself, we all make mistakes and there are a lot of reasons this situation might happen, it would make this video too long to go into that now.
But suffice to say, if you’re in a committed, monogamous relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together, you need to respect her.
Just like you want her to respect you.
If she’s a keeper, she deserves to be treated as such. If she’s not, what are you doing with her?
What to Say
First, when it comes to apologizing, you need to talk in person whenever possible, or at minimum FaceTime if you’re long distance.
This is not a convo for texting, no matter what your age is.
If she’s mad and won’t see you in person or on FaceTime, you need to insist on talking on the phone.
If you cave on this point from the beginning, she will experience that as weakness.
And if she won’t even talk on the phone, either you messed up majorly or she’s emotionally damaged goods.
You will never have a successful relationship with someone who can’t or won’t communicate when relationship challenges come up—and they will.
Say something like, “Babe, I messed up. You deserve to be treated better than that.”
Key Point!
Expect she’ll still be upset! Those are just words after all.
Which is why you’ll add something like, “I’m going to make sure this doesn’t happen again by…[doing such and such]”
“Such and such” is doing whatever you think could be most effective for you to avoid your own weaknesses.
We all have blindspots and areas of weakness.
Owning your flaws isn’t cowering, it’s taking responsibility where you know you need to.
Again, just like you would want her to do.
“Such and Such” Might Be
“Not hanging out with Mark on weekends (he’s a bad influence) so you’ll feel safe.”
“Limiting myself to three drinks when I go out without you, so you’ll feel safe.”
“Avoiding Ashley when you’re not around, because I know she likes me, so you’ll feel safe.”
The difference between delivering these statements from a place of weakness vs strength must come from you wanting to do the right thing because that’s the kind of person you want to be with or without your girl.
You’re honouring your own character and values.
You want to be a loyal, respectful man and are willing to do what it takes to be that way because you respect yourself and who you’re with.
Key Point!
She may still be upset! That’s normal.
It will take time for her to see you behaving in a way she can trust.
You Did More Than Flirt With Ashley
If you did more than flirt with Ashley and your woman is forgiving enough to give you another chance, you’ll have to do even more to prove she can trust you.
Side Note!
If you’re having an affair, there’s something much bigger going on in your relationship that an apology won’t fix.
But let’s say you’re young and you just started dating this girl and you were at the club dancing with Ashley in a way you certainly wouldn’t have if your girl was there…
If your girl still wants to be with you, you can use the same initial words, “I messed up. You deserve better than that.”
And if you did more than dance with Ashley…
You’ll need to offer more than just not hanging out with Ashley when she’s not around if you really like your girl.
Make Her Feel Safe Again
Now, you’ll to need to ask her what she needs from you to make her feel safe again.
It might be the same things mentioned earlier.
It might be more restrictive for until she trusts you again.
She might want to see your phone or have access to your private IMs for awhile.
If you messed up—and don’t want to again—you may need to give her some concessions.
Key Point!
If you’re the one to offer up the concessions first, doing so will ease her distrust a little; at least more so than her having to fight for those concessions.
Notice you are apologizing and taking responsibility for your actions and providing solutions to help her feel safe again but you haven’t actually said the words, “I’m sorry.”
The same principles apply to the other examples, whether you lost all your savings or your job or whatever.
Apologizing includes:
- Validating her feelings.
- Finding a solution to make her feel safe.
Acknowledge messing up, let her know she deserves better, and provide tangible solutions to make her feel emotionally safe.
What IF She’s Crying?
Or freaking out or carrying on.
Overall, same deal, same words…
But if she’s far too triggered to be able to have a rational conversation right this red hot minute, then you need to table it until she can.
Don’t ever say sorry to a woman!
“Yeah, but Anna, how do I do that without her thinking I’m ignoring the problem?”
Great question!
If you’ve tried my approach and she’s still too upset to have a beneficial discussion, then you can say something like, “You have every right to be upset. I don’t know what you need from me right now. Can we continue this conversation tomorrow?”
Depending on what you’ve done, how triggered she is and how emotionally mature she is will determine her response.
You may need to remove yourself from the situation if she can’t calm down.
Maintain your frame! Don’t cower, but don’t lose your cool!
Say something like, “I really like you (or I love you). I want to work this out. We’re not getting anywhere right now, so I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
Key Point!
She will still be upset!
But, if she freaks out saying, “If you leave, don’t come back!”
Repeat, “I really like you / love you. I want to work this out.”
Then leave.
Go to bed, go home, go to a trusted friend’s place (not Ashley’s!), or go to a hotel if necessary.
Ladies, if you’re reading this, you know darn well, if a man stays and continues trying to appease you when you’re in a highly triggered state, nothing will be resolved because anything he says will be wrong to you.
Gentlemen, the reason women freak out even more when you leave is because often you don’t want to continue working through it and she’s had the experience that if it’s not dealt with right now, it won’t be at all.
If you follow through on making a point to discuss it and not assuming all is fine the next day because now she’s calmed down, then she can trust you to follow through in future.
If you haven’t in the past, you’ll have to be extra diligent and proactive in planning and initiating that conversation.
Just like you learn to trust her actions, she learns to trust yours.
When to Say I’m Sorry
IF what you’ve done is egregious, like cheating or gambling your savings away, and she insists on you saying the words, then you can say, “I am sorry” not “I’m sorry” which is common and casual and thrown around way too often.
Say it once and only once.
Scarcity increases value.
Maybe say it once but otherwise don’t ever say sorry to a woman.
If you’re always saying sorry for something, the words becoming meaningless and weak.
Key Point!
If you’ve maintained your cool without outwardly losing your temper or cowering in the corner like a child and you haven’t done anything extremely egregious, and she’s still freaking out, that’s a red flag.
Either she’s damaged goods or your values don’t match or you’ve let her treat you poorly for too long.
We teach people how to treat us!
Key Point!
Allowing her to punish you to the point where you lose yourself and your masculine frame does not serve either of you in the relationship.
There are also some phrases you must never say to an angry woman because they instantly trigger her even more.
At some point, all of you have uttered at least one of these seemingly innocent but highly triggering phrases.
And when you do, all this prep work goes down the drain!
If you want to know what to never say to an angry woman, watch this video!
And if you want to know what words to use to resolve conflict with an angry woman and get more of what you want watch that video now!
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