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Ah, casual sex…
Back when I was depressed, unemployed, and poor, it was the greatest source of joy in my life. Now, it’s the bane of my existence. Not because I miss it, but because half of all questions I get come from women who are sleeping with men without commitment and wondering why they’re so unhappy.
Not because I miss it, but because half of my reader questions come from women who are sleeping with men without commitment and wondering why they’re so unhappy.
Instead of offering my opinion as I’ve done so many times before, I’m going to turn to Iceland, as I’ve never ever done before.
This article talks about the casual sex culture of the tiny island country, and why it may not be all it’s cracked up to be. Namely, Iceland “has created a unique microcosm of sexuality in which the country’s more liberal “fuck first, names later” dictum sets it apart from the rest of the developed world…A much more normal order of operations in Iceland is to meet a stranger while you’re out drinking, take them back to your place, have sex, and then decide whether you want to see them socially again.”
At first glance, I LOVE the fuck first ideology.
I also love that it parallels with Iceland’s strong gender equality. According to the World Economic Forum’s 2016 Global Gender Gap Report, Iceland tops the ranking of the world’s nations with the smallest gender gap for the eighth year in a row.
As a result, “Icelanders are far less likely to pathologize women who have taken an interest in sex as much as men are expected to. In that sort of permissive atmosphere, casual sex becomes easier because women are seen as equals to men. They’re allowed to express their sexuality to the degree their biology drives them to without the fear of social shame or stigma.”
All healthy, right? Isn’t this the way things SHOULD be? Yes. But “fuck first” becomes a little bit like Communism or libertarianism – great in theory, a bit flawed in practice.
But “fuck first” becomes a little bit like Communism or libertarianism – great in theory, a bit flawed in practice.
“Because Icelandic women are so sexually and financially liberated – and because, by some scientific accounts, women are biologically less programmed toward monogamy than men – marriage is not the idealized fantasy it is here. In fact, it’s customary to date someone, have a child with them and then raise it for years before marriage is ever on the table.”
If that works for you, great. For some men and women, having kids out of wedlock is not the ideal situation – even if the “fuck first” thing sounds fun for awhile.
Concludes the article: “While Iceland’s sex-forward society might sound bloody fantastic to a blue-blooded American, extreme sexual liberation is not a perfect model for everyone. However, what everyone can learn from Iceland is that female empowerment, and the recognition of women as equals, seems to benefit all people.”
Your thoughts, about Iceland, super-casual sex, and American values and expectations, are all greatly appreciated.
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