He Committed to Me After Two Weeks. When Can I Let Down My Guard?

Your advice has helped me navigate modern dating. I figured out the ones who were just in it for sex, I dumped the ones who wouldn’t commit, I learned never to text after a great first date. All that advice definitely made dating easier emotionally.

I recently started dating a new guy. After two weeks, he asked me to be his girlfriend, he deleted his profile, he’s introduced me to his friends. He brought up the talk, he ticks all the boxes.

We both talked it over about how we’re in the right place for a committed relationship, we like one another, and most importantly, we both dislike bachelor style dating and enjoy being monogamous. So far so good. I met a man who I like and likes me and wants what I want.

My question – and fear – is that having gotten him to commit so early, what now? I’m afraid that at two weeks, a guy still enjoys the chase, and I’m still afraid about texting too much/initiating texts. Despite our crazy chemistry and seeing one another almost every other day (he initiates wanting to see me), I’m afraid I still need to keep up the chase. I’ve recently started texting him more and initiating conversations, but I’m afraid it’s too soon for this.

When should a girl let her guard down about texting/communicating/initiating dates? Having gotten you to commit, what are a guy’s feelings? What is he expecting?

I’m an affectionate person who likes to show a lot of love when I’m comfortable, I like texting when I think about someone, but I’m afraid it’ll shut down our budding relationship. To clarify – until this point I’ve always let him initiate the texting, only mirroring, letting him chase me. Now that we’re official, what is the transition process and protocol?

Deborah

Just look at this, Deborah:

“My question – and fear – is that having gotten him to commit so early, what now? I’m afraid that at two weeks, a guy still enjoys the chase, and I’m still afraid about texting too much/initiating texts. Despite our crazy chemistry and seeing one another almost every other day (he initiates wanting to see me), I’m afraid I still need to keep up the chase. I’ve recently started texting him more and initiating conversations, but I’m afraid it’s too soon for this.”

I know I may have tipped my hand, but do you see a theme here?

You spend your whole life looking for a guy who voluntarily calls, plans, and commits and you finally found one…only to be tortured by your own fears.

You spend your whole life looking for a guy who voluntarily calls, plans, and commits and you finally found one…only to be tortured by your own fears.

Stop. Breathe. Relax.

Life is good.

“Mirroring” was designed to stop needy and desperate women from chasing down ambivalent men. As written in “Why He Disappeared,” the idea is to protect you from your own insecurities and remind you that if a man really likes you, he’ll make the effort to let you know.

But as I wrote in this blog called “Do I Need to Keep Mirroring After He’s My Boyfriend,” that “protocol” goes out the window once you’re part of a couple.

Couples don’t play games. They let down their guards. They give. They trust. They don’t spend any time wondering about whether the other person is going to flee.

If he likes you, you can do whatever the hell you want, Deborah.

If he likes you, you can do whatever the hell you want, Deborah.

In general, you don’t want to be the “overfunctioning” woman; the one who props up the entire relationship by yourself, but in this instance, that doesn’t sound like a concern of yours.

There’s only one thing I would have done differently, in retrospect: don’t become boyfriend/girlfriend with someone after 2 weeks. Just because a guy wants to commit to you in that time doesn’t mean you’re obliged to do so.

Stretch things out for a month or so and you’ll have a much clearer picture of who your boyfriend actually is…before he becomes your boyfriend.

Now text him to tell him how happy he makes you.

You’ll both be glad you did.