Dating

How Do You Respond if a Guy Disappears and Follows Up a Week Later?

June 27, 2022

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I know that, if a man isn’t reaching back out within a day or so of your last date, it’s because he doesn’t care to do so. However, when the guy sends a follow-up message 5-7 days later, what’s the best way to respond?

Thanks,

Ashleigh

I wrote about this at length in this post but I’ll summarize it here.

We are all someone’s second choice.

We are all someone’s second choice.

Unless you married the first guy you swiped right on, you, like the rest of us, have gone through hundreds, if not thousands of profiles.

There are good men and bad men. Honest men and shady men. Relationship-oriented men and player men. And you know what? Sometimes men can be BOTH once.

I can only speak for myself here, but there were times that I was perfectly content hooking up without commitment and there were times I was earnestly looking for love.

Furthermore, there were women that inspired me to want to commit, and other women who were cute enough for a fling but not girlfriend material in my mind.

This is not gender-specific, by the way.

So, to be your own dating coach, flip things around.

Have you ever been talking to three guys at once, had one that was your favorite, gone all-in on him and POOF, he disappeared or turned out to be a jerk?

If so, does that mean that you were “wrong” for choosing him? No. Does that mean that you were rude to focus your attentions on him as opposed to the other two guys? No. Does that mean that you are flaky or insensitive or not looking for love because your Plan A backfired on you? No. So if you went back to the two men after a week and said, “Hey, sorry I disappeared, but I’m back now if you want to hang out this weekend,” would you be right to expect a guy to get angry at you and tell you off because he’s nobody’s second choice?

I sure hope not.

There’s no room for pride in dating. It’s a big revolving door and people come and go. The more you can embrace that instead of taking things personally, the more success you’ll have in this medium. The more you cast judgment on someone who is likely doing the same thing you’re doing, the less likely you will make a special connection.