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How does a man, age 30, gain sexual experience when they have not had any?
We have a large group of brain tumor survivors who went through puberty belatedly on artificial hormones. They missed the important Jr. High / High School dating scene, and now find themselves as young adults with absolutely zero dating experience as well as the more obvious sexual experience.
Several members of our group have actually “started” dating, but the guys are finding it especially awkward after several dates when the women are expecting more “activity.” The guys don’t know how to explain that they haven’t really ever even kissed a woman before. The desire is there, but the girls the guys are dating seem to have at least some, if not a lot, of sexual experience already. They appear to be a little put off by a guy who hasn’t even kissed a girl by age 30.
How can the guys “get” some experience at this late date in the game?
-Suzanne
Dear Suzanne,
Is it cool for an “expert” to say something like, “I don’t know” in an advice column?
Because I can make up an answer, but I don’t think I have any unique insight that will help your survivors. The fact that they had brain tumors provides a weighty reason as to why they haven’t acquired experience, but, at the end of the day, they’re no different than legions of men (and women) who are at the back end of the sexual bell curve.
…at the end of the day, they’re no different than legions of men (and women) who are at the back end of the sexual bell curve.
I ain’t gonna lie — it’s tough to make up for that lost time — especially when you’re dealing with peers. Innocently charming though it might be, most 30 year old women probably don’t have the patience for a guy who has never removed a bra. So I took to asking women I know what they think your guys should do.
“Don’t tell the truth,” is what my wife said. Like a woman who is a virgin until her 20’s, sometimes it’s best to keep these big secrets to yourself, unless it’s absolutely necessary. People are more likely to give the benefit of the doubt to someone whom they’ve invested in emotionally, instead of being patient with the random socially awkward guy who declares on Date 1 that he had a brain tumor and is therefore behind in Foreplay 101.
“Have you suggested prostitution,” said another friend, who didn’t want to be named. I don’t blame her, but the thought most definitely crossed my mind. Where else can you find someone who is experienced, non-judgmental, and won’t break your heart for being disappointing in bed? By the same token, apart from its inherent illegality, I’m not sure how to ensure for a safe and positive experience. Hookers definitely seem like a roll of the dice.
Hookers definitely seem like a roll of the dice.
Finally, if there are a group of male brain tumor survivors, there are probably female ones as well. Wouldn’t it stand to reason that you could put together a support group mixer of some sort, and let the delayed adolescents sort through their awkwardness together? I know that’s a small pool in which to fish, but there’ll be a lot more understanding and compassion from fellow survivors than there will be on Nerve.com.
As I said, I’m spitballing here. Any readers know how an inexperienced thirtysomething male can get experience without judgment (and without paying for it)?
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