I Think I Pushed a Good Guy Away by Being Too Intense

I was dating a guy for two and a half months. We never had the discussion about becoming exclusive, and I never pushed it for several reasons, one of them being that he travelled quite a bit and so we did not get to see each other that often, and I was allowing us to build more of an in person connection before considering bringing up the topic. We had an instant connection, and it was undeniable every time we were together. We also shared a large amount of interests and goals, which is important to me, as my last relationship was with someone who had few interests in common with me. However, he started to become a little more distant at times, and I think I became a little too invested for it being so early on, which obviously he could have felt energy-wise. We had also become physically intimate, and I’m sure that contributed to things in my end.

I had stopped going on dates with other men after several dates with him, which I realize was an error on my end. Eventually, he attempted to end things with me, saying that he liked me and had been enjoying spending time with me and getting to know me, but that he did not think he had the time to give me what I needed at the moment, since he was overwhelmed with his new job position, and not being able to see each other often made it difficult.

However, he couldn’t bring himself to completely do that in the midst of our conversation, and then said he wanted to see me. We got together, and things were unexpectedly really good, and we once again felt that undeniable connection. After that, things improved a little, but I got somewhat ahead of myself when he didn’t make plans with me one weekend, and decided to call it off, as I was tired of feeling like he wasn’t putting in enough effort.

The conversation that we had that day lasted for about an hour, and he was so kind, and in some ways, it didn’t seem like he wanted to get off the phone. It has been almost a week, and I feel like I might have made a huge mistake. I certainly saw potential with him, which I can’t tell if that is idiotic or not considering I hadn’t known him for that long. I feel like I should have given things a chance, while dating around, and I am wondering if there is anything I can do at this point in order to potentially make things work between us, or if he just wasn’t that into me, or if it is just too late to reconcile? Thank you.

Marissa

You wrote: “He did not think he had the time to give me what I needed at the moment, since he was overwhelmed with his new job position, and not being able to see each other often made it difficult.”

Didja read the last blog post, Marissa?!

I’m not omniscient but I do feel clever when two blog posts coincide so neatly.

Once again, we are given damning evidence that:

1. A man you like doesn’t want a relationship with you.
2. A man you like doesn’t want a relationship with you because he’s unsettled at work.

And yet your first reaction isn’t to accept his explanation; it’s to suggest that you’ve made a mistake – as if things would be smooth sailing if only you played your cards right.

Sigh.

You didn’t make a mistake.

You need to find another guy who DOES see a future with you.

You dated a guy who decided – after much interaction, intercourse and deliberation – that he did NOT want to be with you.

Whether that was because of his job, his lack of attraction to you, his feeling that you were not “the one” or a hundred other reasons doesn’t really matter.

The story is written. The tribe has spoken.

You need to find another guy who DOES see a future with you instead of trying to breathe life into a relationship that HE killed voluntarily.

And in case you find any ambiguity in the above and are still obsessed with understanding why he disappeared, click here and I’ll explain it to you in much greater detail.

I promise you one thing, Marissa: the ending will be the same no matter what you do.