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Why She Leaves a Guy at ROCK BOTTOM
Better Bachelor Video Review
She leaves a guy at rock bottom?? I’m angry at her and I just read the title!
There’s a saying,
“A man’s love is tested when he becomes successful and a woman’s love is tested when he loses everything.”
This is so true.
It was a really interesting video to review and I invite you to watch the whole thing because I did my review in real time while watching it so if you click away early you’ll miss my TSA turning point on my opinion of this woman!
And I’ll share a short true story of a man in a similar situation who had a much different outcome!
Okay, let’s get into it!
She Leaves a Guy at Rock Bottom
So, Better Bachelor is a channel for open minded men and covers a bunch of different topics, but I chose this video because it’s most relevant to my content.
The commentator calls himself Joker (with a face for radio)—though either he’s joking or he’s not giving his face enough credit.
He starts by talking about how when a relationship ends so many men wonder what they did wrong.
“Why wasn’t I worth the effort… I did everything and she still left.”
He goes on to say that when she leaves you, you’re thinking that make all this extra effort will make her realize what a great catch you are and she’ll come around.
But that when she sees how hard you’re trying, she’ll see herself as higher quality.
“That she’s the catch … and you haven’t set boundaries on what you need to be fulfilled in the relationship”
AJ
So far, totally agree.
Joker
He says this can come from being co-dependant.
“You don’t value yourself enough.”
And you overvalue your partner.
AJ
Basically, you put her on a pedestal. Bad idea!
Joker
He says to get out of this situation you need to let her know what your needs are.
You need to set boundaries and have your own standards and needs for the relationship.
“Make it clear if your needs aren’t met, she’s gotta go….Make it clear you’re also a catch.”
AJ
I agree!
If you’ve watched my videos for awhile, you’ve heard me say, “If you don’t respect yourself, neither will she.”
No respect = no attraction.
Joker
He talks about a story on Reddit where to woman wondered what she’d done wrong but that it’s usually the men who get left who list off a long list of things he did for her.
His Examples
Didn’t:
- Resist her male friendships
- Say she couldn’t go out
- Get upset when she was out late
He emphasizes women don’t typically keep a tally because they don’t do all those extra positive things men typically do in this situation.
AJ
I agree, though I do know some high value women who went the whole nine yards providing everything their man asked for and he still left them.
I’ll tell you more about why that happens in a bit, but let’s see if Joker mentions it, first.
Joker
So he goes through the article titled, My Ex Got His Act Together After We Divorced Up And It Infuriates Me.
Relationship Details
Him: 37yrs old
Her: 34yrs old
Together: 10yrs
Married: 6yrs
Kids: 0
She says her husband was basically a kid who didn’t want to grow up even into his 30s.
Joker says, “Why would you stay with someone like that after 4 years?”
This was a failure on her part.
AJ
I agree!
I’ve said many times, don’t go for potential.
“As is where is. Do not choose a fixer upper.”
That’s like trying to build your dream home on a faulty foundation. It’s destined to crumble!
Key point!
You cannot love someone into emotional health.
And even do heal their emotional wounds—we all have them—they’ll become a different person who no longer needs you.
Your love cannot fix them. ~ Wingmam
Joker
He continues with the story.
After 4 years of hell, he lost his dad, lost his job and gained a bunch of weight.
She does admit he did sell his junker car to help with bills but she couldn’t deal the rest of it, so she eventually left him.
Joker talks about what it would look like if the reverse happened; if she lost her dad, her job and gained weight.
What would society say about a man who leaves his wife then?
AJ
I agree! It’s a shitty double standard that should be called out.
I’ve mentioned in another video that a woman’s love is tested when her man is at rock bottom and a man’s love is tested when he’s at the top of his game.
Neither is fair; both can be a sad reality.
Joker
He continues with the story…
The wife says she tried to support him even though he stopped helping out around the house and spent his free time smoking weed.
“Fair enough. He wasn’t pulling his weight.”
AJ
As I’ve said in many videos, men and women have a lot of similar needs but also some different needs, particularly around feeling emotionally safe and stimulation.
If she really loves you, she’ll be your biggest cheerleader—for awhile.
But you can’t expect her to be okay with this forever.
The recovery period varies depending on what’s happened, but after awhile she needs to see you making an effort to get out of the state you’re in or—
Key point!
Mother mode kicks in!
If she feels like she has to take care of you because you’re acting like a helpless child, she cannot be attracted to you.
Don’t hate the bee for its needs!
Also, watch my hypergamy videos! 😉
Rule of Thumb
In some instances, the tolerance level will be a lot less, but can rarely exceed one year. Tops.
Losing a loved one and your job and getting fat gets you a year credit.
The problem with allowing yourself that long is it can become a vicious debilitating downward spiral that’s tougher to get out of.
For most situations, you want to get your ass out of the dumps in less than 30-60 days.
That’s how long it takes to rewire your brain and you do not want to get stuck in an emotional black hole—for you, never mind for anyone else.
Back to Joker
So, she divorced the dude, but then later she bumps into him and he’s all fit and healthy and wearing nice clothes and hair plugs and bought a condo and is obviously doing well.
Of course, she’s wondering why now and not when he was with her.
But instead of asking him or asking him to hang out, she’s just pissed off.
Joker says that even if she’d ask him to get together, a smart man would say, “no.”
AJ
Here’s where I might disagree!
If she was a good woman while they were together and did support him for at least a year of him being in that black hole, she still might be worth considering.
Men and women are different.
Don’t shoot the messenger, I wasn’t there during the design phase.
Just like when some men get successful they leave good wives for younger, hotter women.
It happens, you know it does.
Both people in a relationship must make an effort to keep their partner happy. ~ Wingmam
This doesn’t mean being the only source of happiness, but it does mean making a continued effort and not sliding so far back that you’ve pulled a bait and switch.
Of course, she needs to have the same commitment to keeping you happy!
Joker
Joker says two or three years is reasonable to be in that black hole state.
AJ
Disagree.
Reasonably, you get one year from the time of each traumatic incident.
So, from the time of his dad’s death, he gets one year to show no signs of recovery.
But after a year, there should be some effort toward recovery. I’m not saying he needs to be over it, just showing signs of life in himself.
I lost my mom in 2016 and was a mess for a long time.
I wouldn’t have wanted to be with anyone then. It wouldn’t have been fair to them.
But let’s say he lost his job near the end of that first year. Then what?
In my opinion, as a woman, he gets another year for that—but!—he’s still got to start recovering from the first wound, his dad’s death.
I’m very sorry fellas, but a woman needs to see some form of healing and hope for recovery within a year.
With one exception: the loss of a child.
Joker
He continues that the woman is angry that she gave him the 10 best years of her life.
AJ
Remember, fellas, even though you might not feel the same way if the circumstances were reversed, men and women do have some different needs.
Don’t hate the bee.
And it may not seem fair, but, remember that women’s market value does decline with age. That’s just a fact.
Whereas,—
Key point!
As long as you can improve your standing in society or in your finances, you will always have the opportunity to increase your relationship market value.
Which is why some men do leave good women for a newer model.
Again, you know it’s true.
Joker
He goes on to say how the woman mentions how he didn’t have much money when they were together.
Joker says the man was still the same person.
AJ
Disagree.
In some ways, he’s probably the same person, but he wasn’t ambitious when he was with her.
And she loved him, anyway.
She didn’t love that he didn’t help around the house and spend all his spare time smoking weed and getting fat.
That’s a big difference from he wasn’t rich.
Let me repeat, she was with him when he wasn’t financially successful.
She’s pissed because she loved him and stayed with him trying to encourage him for much longer than most would and it was only after the breakup did he decided to improve himself.
She feels like she wasn’t worth it to him.
But here’s the thing, and maybe he’ll cover it, but let’s get it out of the way…
It was likely the breakup that was the wake up call for him to get his shit together.
Which means… he did have the will to do it. Just not. for. her.
Now, I must note it’s possible that she wasn’t worth it, but there isn’t evidence of that from this story.
Side Note and Key Point for Women!
Men are not motivated by nagging!
There is a huge difference between berating a man to into action and encouraging him by reminding him of his strengths he’s forgotten about.
Joker
The story continues with her talking about how she started from square one when they broke up and didn’t even have any kids, which suggests she wanted kids.
Joker says, he also started from scratch.
But that she was better off because she was the one who decided to leave.
AJ
Partially agree.
He was still in the crap place but on top of that she left him.
But a woman in her mid 30s has lower relationship market value (in general) than a woman in her mid 20s.
Fact.
And if she did want kids, there’s almost no time left to do that by the time you factor in finding someone, getting to know them, both being ready and then actually getting pregnant.
Women’s eggs have a shelf life! Men’s swimmers don’t.
What I will say again, however, is how important it is to never go for potential.
They should’ve figured out much earlier if their values, beliefs and long term goals were in alignment!
Joker
He says she’s upset because dude is now successful and she’s not.
If dude wasn’t successful, she wouldn’t be upset and if she was also successful, she wouldn’t be upset.
AJ
Maybe.
It depends on if she wanted kids or not.
If not, then I agree.
If she wanted kids with him, but still didn’t have them at the time of the Reddit article, then even if she was successful, she’d be disappointed.
And if he was still in the same situation, then of course she’d more feel relieved she hadn’t invested more time.
Joker
She goes on to bitch about her current standard of living and health issues and it’s not her ex’s fault.
“Sounds like the tides have turned.”
AJ
Ain’t Karma a bitch?
So, here’s where I get to change my mind about her.
Bet you didn’t see that coming! 😉
Up to this point, there wasn’t much evidence to truly indicate she wasn’t a good one.
But now her hypocrisy is revealed.
People reveal their true nature when their survival is tested.
Joker
He says instead of finding out how he got out of his funk with genuine curiosity, she was just bitter wondering why he couldn’t have become the man he is now while he was with her.
Joker says he can’t answer that.
AJ
I can!
And then I’m going to share Bob’s short story.
Ok, back to the story, so the reasons why he couldn’t be his best self with her is either because—
- They were never really a good match or…
- He hadn’t dealt with his own issues that stifled his personal growth and/or…
- She didn’t inspire him to be his best self.
Bam!
If you want to know if she’s really the one, #3 is imperative.
If you want to know the other 4 signs she’s the one, watch my video, How to Know She’s The One.
Joker
Says usually when a man wonders why he wasn’t worth it is when he’s doing everything for her and she still leaves him.
And that instead of asking herself what she could’ve done to influence his betterment, she focuses on the crap turns her life has taken.
He says all men want to live like a teenager, enjoying hobbies and toys and goofing around.
AJ
True. That’s part of your charm!
It just has to be balanced with accepting responsibility in some key areas that make a woman feel emotionally, physically and, yes, financially safe.
Now, if her character hasn’t changed and she’s just in an emotional black hole, well, hopefully she can pull herself out of it.
But if this is who she really is, then not only did he win with his financial gains, but also in losing her.
Bob’s Short Story
Just after buying a ranch, Bob lost his job in the financial crash of 2008. His wife didn’t leave him.
He had to take another job at 60% pay cut. His wife didn’t leave him.
They had to cash in the 401 and sell stuff to keep up with bills. His wife didn’t leave him.
In Bob’s words, “I was devastated… My wife supported me through the difficult times and we made it though… women do care, you just have to be selective in finding the right one.”
And I say, Amen to that.
If you want me to review a channel, post your suggestion in a short comment on YouTube but don’t put links, they get filtered out.
Thanks for being here and God bless!
Also, watch my video on How to Improve Your Sexual (/Relationship) Market Value here.
And if you are struggling with depression, this video might help.
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