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I am going on 4 months dating a man who has been legally separated for over 3 years. He asked me 2 weeks ago for a relationship, to be committed, exclusive, and only then, were we intimate for the first time last weekend. I mentioned how I feel about being intimate with a man who still has a dating profile up and last night I took mine down, told him, and he said he is doing the same. He has booked a trip for us to go away together for 5 days at the end of the month.
My question is, how do I navigate this issue of him being legally separated? On date 4, I asked what it takes to be divorced these days since I divorced 5 years ago and it only took me 3 months. He shared with me that he doesn’t want to be taken to the cleaners and that he doesn’t understand why he should have to give up 60% of his money. He does very well in finance. (On our 2nd date he confessed he still supports his ex who doesn’t work, and they have a 14-yr old daughter whom they both adopted at a later age in their marriage.) I have meditated on listening to my gut before continuing to date him and this feels good to me. I prayed internally on this before saying Yes to being in a relationship after he claimed me. I told him I don’t want to be a perpetual girlfriend, and that I want a loving, long-lasting relationship with one man and was keeping my options open until I found that… and that I do want to be a wife someday again, but want to do it right, not rush, and take time seeing where a relationship can go. He understood.  Yet, I never hear any news about him progressing with his divorce except for my asking him about it when he claimed me and I asked him if he is going through the proceedings at this moment, and he says, yes.
I want to give this relationship a try, not do online dating or any other, and would feel so happy and honored to have your guidance navigating through this situation.
Juli
Every relationship is a contract.
In every contract, both people have to agree to terms.
If you’re buying a house, you agree on a price.
If you’re taking a job, you agree on a salary.
If you’re entering a relationship, you agree on the nature of the relationship.
When you say, “I want to give this relationship a try,” or “I meditated, listened to my gut, and prayed internally,” you’ve apparently done everything except listen to what this guy is saying.
If you’re entering a relationship, you agree on the nature of the relationship.
He already told you how he feels about divorce.
He’s been separated for three years.
He doesn’t want to get divorced because he doesn’t want to give up 60% of his money.
The fact that you never hear any news about his divorce progressing is because his divorce is not progressing. He wants to date you. He doesn’t want to get taken to the cleaners in a divorce.
Next time around, trying listening to your man instead of listening to your gut.
Thus, you have two choices:
- 1. Break up with him now before you’re too invested and find a man who wants to be your lawfully wedded husband.
-
-
- 2. Stay with this man, fall deeper in love, and be perpetually dissatisfied that
he never gets divorced
- (much less proposes to you).
-
Seems like a pretty clear-cut choice to me.
Next time around, trying listening to your man instead of listening to your gut.
Your man is telling you the truth. That’s more than I can say for your gut.
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