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Hey, what’s up?
This is “Ask Ruwando,” and we have a question today from Alan.
Hey Ruwando, I have an issue: I watch too much porn and I can’t it up when I’m with a real woman! How do I get it so that I can have sex when it’s time to do it?”
Great question Alan. I think this is something that’s plaguing younger men… millennials if you will…
It’s just like a big issue, actually, and I don’t think it’s spoken about enough. So thank you for bringing it to light.
Let’s get started!
Catch The Full Video Transcript Below…
What I want to say is: porn addiction is real.
And even if you’re not addicted to porn, there are a lot of negative effects on the male brain.
When you watch porn, it kind of rewires your reward circuits, without going into too much detail about it.
I mean, you get pleasure from the dopamine, you’re seeing something.
But it doesn’t give you the oxytocin feeling, which is also related to sex.
So when a guy watches porn, he can only get off at rapid stimulation, like that dopamine hit of changing clips and stuff.
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And it’s really bad for your attention span.
A lot of guys have issues feeling their feelings too.
More specifically, feeling their feelings moment to moment as opposed to clicking, clicking, clicking, clicking.
Oh, new story line, MILFs, whatever… I mean, you know all the categories of porn…
But do you actually have Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction?
Ask yourself this question to find out:
Do You Have the Ability Within You to Stop Watching Porn?
So, first thing I’m going to say, which is obvious.
I mean you said, “I have an issue. I watch too much porn.”
Alan, stop watching porn. This might be easier said than done.
If you can’t just stop watching porn, even though you know you should, I would classify that as a porn addiction.
And if you have a porn addiction and you’re not getting hard, I would classify that as Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction.
There are a lot of great resources out there that can help with this, like the NoFap community.
But I want to address the erection side of that.
Because that’s what your actual question was.
So I’ve addressed this issue in more detail in other videos on what to do when you can’t get hard… so I’m not going to go into the details.
I recommend you check out those videos right here in Gotham Club.
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But Alan, just to address your question, I’m going to throw out 3 really important concepts to you.
1) Get Into Your Body
The first thing is getting in touch with your feelings on a physical level, also known as getting into your body.
Anything that you can do to generate physical awareness and somatic awareness will help.
Dancing helps. Martial arts help.
Some sort of meditative practice where you really have to pay attention helps. Tai chi is something that I actually equate to having good sex a lot.
I started doing Tai Chi about halfway through really studying sexuality. And they really complimented each other.
It might seem silly, looking at like the older Asian people in the park, doing these forms, like thinking about them being good in bed.
But I tell you, just the principle works.
Because if you’re not getting hard, I can almost guarantee that you’re cutting yourself off from feeling your sensations.
Which brings me to my second point…
2) Feel Your Feelings On an Emotional Level
The second piece is getting to feel your feelings on an emotional level.
And I’ve said this in a bunch of videos.
Shame prevents you from feeling. Resentment prevents you from feeling, and the solution to both of those two things is to learn how to open up and be vulnerable.
Brené Brown has some great stuff on how… you can’t selectively numb.
So if you’re numbing out your emotions–if you’re preventing yourself from being felt in a certain way–it can affect your body.
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And porn wraps us up a lot, and it reinforces a lot of our shame. Because you don’t watch porn with your friends.
You watch porn in your room, maybe when you’re feeling a little embarrassed.
I mean, when you were younger, you probably were trying to make sure that your parents didn’t find you.
And it just reinforced all this shame–shame conditioning you have associated with sexuality.
3) Talk About It (It Seems Counterintuitive But Really Works)
So the best thing is to start talking about it.
Like if you’re not getting it up, the woman (or women) you sleep with might notice, too.
You might as well bring it up, instead of trying to play it cool, and be like, “Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, whatever.”
Just be vulnerable and be like, “Listen, yeah. This has actually happened before, so it’s not your fault. This is something I’m trying to work through, and that’s what’s going on.”
The best person you can bring it up with is the person you’re in bed with.
If you’re in bed with a woman and you’re not getting hard and she wants to have sex, you might as well bring it up.
You gain nothing by playing it off. Right?
So just bring it up in a clear that way that doesn’t have to be needy.
It doesn’t have to be asking her for anything.
You’re just stating the facts. I mean, that’s actually the manliest thing to do.
Own the situation, like, “Listen, this has happened a couple of times. I’m working through it. I just want to bring it up, I mean, I think it might be from watching too much porn.”
You’re not going to come off as weird. Literally every man, who has grown up in the internet age has watched internet porn.
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It’s not unusual. In fact, it’s unusual if you haven’t watched porn.
So you just bring it up, and be like, “Yeah this is something I’m working through. And it’s not your fault, it’s just something that’s happening.”
And you’ll notice that the more you talk about it, the less big of a deal it becomes.
I mean, I went through a period, I’ve said this in other videos where I had erection issues for almost a whole year.
And I had this conversation over and over again with different women.
The first time, it was humiliating. The second time, it was less humiliating…
But after a couple of women, it just got in my head, like, okay no woman has taken offense to this. No woman has made me feel bad about this.
And it’s not that big a deal. And over time that shame went away, and I got to feel my body.
Of course, this is also a lot easier said than done.
So what I do want to tell you, is that even though I recommend following all 3 of these steps… there are ways you can “shortcut” this process, and get your boners back even sooner.
BONUS: This “Shortcut” Can Get Your Boners Back Even Sooner…
I won’t lie, watching porn is a hard habit to break…
In some cases, it can become as bad as any other addiction.
Not only can it take awhile to wean yourself off it… but it can take a while for your erections to get back to a standard you can actually pleasure a woman too.
The good news is, there are very easy ways to speed up this process, and get stronger & longer-lasting boners… even if you still watch porn from time to time.
For example, eat these 5 plant-based foods.
Each of these foods is scientifically proven to boost bloodflow *down there*… and good bloodflow is the key to rock hard erections.
… These foods taste great in smoothies, soups or even salads…
… and in fact a bunch of my buddies eat these foods every day, and they all say pretty much the same thing:
They no longer have issues getting hard, and no longer lose hardness mid-sex either.
They last MUCH longer than they used to…
And their sex drives are back to teenager-level again.
No joke, one of my buddies told me he saw a cute blonde girl in a sundress walking down the street a couple weeks ago… and he got SO turned on, that when he got home…
… he made his girlfriend drop what she was doing… bent her over the couch… and took her doggy-style right there.
She absolutely loved it (hell yeah):
Click here to see the 5 foods and how to get them.