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This morning, I took a peek at the questions coming into my blog. There I found eight questions all saying the same thing:
“Where is the best place to meet a quality, relationship-oriented man? I’m really open to everything you say, Evan, but I never meet any good men!”
I hear ya.
It’s certainly frustrating to want to prioritize your love life, but not have the opportunity to meet any new men on a day-to-day basis.
This lack of opportunity, above all, is the main reason that you’re not in love now.
It’s not because you’re terrible with men.
It’s not because you have nothing to offer.
The reason you’re single is simply that you haven’t met the right guy — and yet you have no idea where he’s coming along.
I’ve only got one word for you, my friend.
Match.com
Before you tune out or run away screaming, hear me out.
Because this isn’t just my opinion. This is fact.
As opinionated as I am, I’m always open to the possibility of being proven wrong.
I hope you are, too.
Did you hear that? That’s the sound of your preconceived notions being shattered.
Because studies show that facts don’t actually matter when you have a deeply held opinion.
That’s right.
If I told you that 2 + 2 = 4, but you believe that 2 + 2 = 5, no amount of evidence can make you change your mind. In fact, any evidence that I provide that contradicts you is only going to make you believe in your original premise more.
Fascinating, isn’t it?
Yes, you’re hardwired to be stubborn and, as such, you can easily fall victim to “the confirmation bias”, which seeks out information which only reaffirms what you already believe (biting my tongue on the obvious Fox News joke…)
So, if you have dated online and discovered the following:
– Men sometimes lie.
– Men often flake out.
– Men are poor at marketing themselves.
– Men are stupid, sexual and visual.
– The wrong men write to you. The right men don’t.
I wouldn’t be able to argue with any of this.
And if you concluded that, because of those observations, you weren’t inclined to try online dating again, you’d have plenty of evidence to support yourself.
But, in writing off online dating you’d be making a massive mistake. Here’s why:
In the past three years, 17% of all married couples met through online dating.
This is more than TWICE the number of couples who met through bars, clubs, and other social events.
Did you hear that?
That’s the sound of your preconceived notions being shattered.
Don’t fight it.
Now, to be fair, 38% of marriages came from work and school. And 27% came through a friend or family member.
So clearly that must mean that those are “better” ways of meeting…
Not so fast.
How many people have a job or go to school? About 100%
How many people have friends and family? About 100%
How many people are paying for online dating sites at a given time? Maybe 5%.
What this illustrates is that, proportionally, 5% of the population (online daters) accounts for 17% of the marriages in the past 3 years.
Which goes to show that the people who are dating online are finding love at a significantly higher rate than people who rely on workplace romance or set-ups.
“So what?!” you might say to yourself, still unconvinced. “I dated online and HATED it! That should mean something!”
Irking women is my job. Anything to get you outside your comfort zone, to get you to see the world through a different, more empowering lens.
Yes. Yes it does. It means you have a deep-seated bias against online dating, so that anything I say which contradicts you is just going to irk you more.
Irking women is my job. Anything to get you outside your comfort zone, to get you to see the world through a different, more empowering lens.
So let’s keep on going with your other misconceptions about online dating:
You dated online for 3 months and didn’t find love? Makes sense. You’ve been in love 3 times in 40 years — why would you think you should it in 90 days on JDate?
You’ve noticed that men tend to disappear in the middle of emailing? Consider: have YOU ever disappeared in the middle of emailing a man because you found other men you liked better? I thought so.
You think that men misrepresent their height or age? Yep. And so do women. Maybe even you. It’s not because you have no integrity or are a congenital liar. It’s because men and women both discriminate based on looks and age, and you merely want to be given an opportunity to meet.
You don’t want to pay so much for a service that yields no results? Go out for one night of drinks and appetizers with your girlfriends. You just spent more than an entire month on Match.com and you didn’t meet any guys either.
You think that 90% of men online are “wrong” for you. You’re right. But so are 90% of men in bars, on buses, or in Starbucks. If you have high standards, MOST men are not going to be to your liking.
So if 90% of all men aren’t even first-date worthy, where is the place where you have access to the greatest number of men?
You got it: Match.com.
Listen, I’m no Pollyanna. I’m not a corporate shill for the online dating industry. I don’t think your negative experience in online dating is silly.
I’m just a dating coach who specializes in helping women meet, connect with, and understand men.
But all the dating advice in the world is useless if you’re not actually dating regularly!
If you’ve resisted online dating because of your preconceived notions about how it is, I assure you, it’s because you’ve never tried it my way.
I usually don’t plug products here, but please, do yourself a favor and check out my audio series, Finding the One Online. It’s literally EVERYTHING I know about online dating, with a 180 page transcript, a 35 page workbook and 7 hours of coaching with the same exact information that my private clients get on the phone.
Most importantly, it will forever change the way you connect with men online.
I look forward to hearing your success stories.
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www.evanmarckatz.com
