Why Do Men Who Seem Like Promising Prospects End Up Breaking Up With Me?

I’m really excited to be here today, breaking out my new little FlipCam video just for you. The reason I’m doing this video blog is because after reading through nearly 1500 of your most intimate questions, some common themes became apparent.

And instead of waiting to complete my new book, I wanted to share the most powerful observations I had based on your survey answers.

The first big misunderstanding you have about men is a big one. In fact, if there’s one thing that you can take away from anything I write ever again, it’s this one.

Men Are About Feelings, Not About Looks

If you’ve ever been baffled at how men sometimes pull away from you, believe me, I understand. I’ve been dumped before and I remember the raw confusion, trying to reconcile how something so good could possibly go bad.

Now as a man, I don’t claim to speak for every guy, everywhere. I only speak for good, solid, relationship oriented men — the guys who are over the drama of dating hot, crazy women. Guys who want to date hot, crazy women aren’t really good relationship bets, so you shouldn’t worry too much when they disappear.

Anyway, every normal guy has had the experience of dating someone attractive and then breaking up with her. The physical is what pulls us in, but there’s a high price to pay for this kind of dysfunctional relationship.

You’ve probably done the same thing: been so drawn by attraction that you never looked up and considered that you’re always fighting, you’re always breaking up, and that, in between the great sex, there’s very little peace and contentment.

Are men drawn to smart, strong, successful women? You bet. The same way that you’re drawn to smart, strong, successful men. Really. Those characteristics are universally attractive and are considerable assets to you.

But where women and men often diverge is that we’re looking for different things. You’re looking for a man who is taller, stronger, smarter, funnier, wealthier.

We’re not. We’re looking for what we doesn’t have ourselves, what we can’t get at work, what we can’t get from our male friends: warmth, compassion, kindness, generosity, femininity.

Thus, your brains and beauty will always attract men, but they won’t keep them.

Thus, your brains and beauty will always attract men, but they won’t keep them.

Men may not even be able to articulate this themselves, but we want to feel needed, trusted, important, masculine, sexy, smart, funny, and heroic. In other words, we want you to see us the way we see ourselves. We want you to treat us the way you want to be treated. We want to feel unconditionally loved and accepted, despite our many flaws.

And if we don’t get all of that, we’re going to find a woman who does.

That’s why it doesn’t matter how impressive you are. You could be a Rhodes Scholar/TopChef/Supermodel, but if we constantly feel criticized, micromanaged, unattractive, emasculated, pressured and undermined, we’re gonna move on.

So when you’re trying to assess how to keep a guy around, remember:

Men are about feelings, not about looks.

Make us feel like a million bucks and we’re not going anywhere.