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I’ve always had a glib answer as to why I’m a dating coach for women instead of men.
“Men need more help. Women ASK for more help.”
In general, this is true. I was a dating coach (one of the first) from 2003-2009 and I didn’t specify which gender I was helping. Without doing anything specific to court women, 80% of my mailing list turned out to be women. Why weren’t men flocking to me? Because men who lacked confidence back in those days turned to pick-up artists for tricks on how to talk to a woman. And, if anything, the rest of the men had an irrational sense of confidence, in spite of their middling results.
Once I cut off men and focused on helping smart, strong, successful women understand men and make healthier relationship choices, my business skyrocketed. I can still help men, since 90% of dating and relationship advice is the same, but, again, the stereotypes of men largely hold true. He’ll drive around in circles for a half-hour but won’t stop to ask for directions. Too much pride. Too arrogant to take criticism. Women, on the other hand, beat themselves up incessantly about things they didn’t even do wrong!
Once I cut off men and focused on helping smart, strong, successful women understand men and make healthier relationship choices, my business skyrocketed.
Relationship goes bad with some selfish douchebag and all she thinks about is how she could have done something different to save it. It kills me – and, alas, it also keeps me in business. Teaching women to walk away from these guys is more than 50% of my job.
But enough about me. Let’s talk about Match.com getting into the advice game. Evidently, the granddaddy of dating sites is trying to monetize its dwindling userbase by offering help from “a team of in-house Match employees.” Inspiring.
The reason I’m sharing this article is that the headline suggests that men were three times more likely to opt in for advice than women. That threw me for a loop – and begs a bunch of questions. Did those men actually step up to pay for that advice or did they just give you an email address? How long did those men continue to receive advice? Did those men implement the advice and get results from it? And while I, too, am a self-proclaimed expert, I earned my stripes over 16 years. Someone making $35K to talk on the phone without experience in the nuances of online dating? Color me skeptical.
But hey, at least it’s a step forward from the CEO toward a model I’ve been pitching for years – caring about your clients and providing them the resources to succeed.
“I’m a millennial, and this is a service my generation wants and needs,” Hosseini said. “Yes, they don’t want to talk on the phone and are automating grocery delivery, but they also seek one-on-one advice for relationships. It’s kind of like a personal trainer. These parts of your life that are nuanced and emotional, you see millennials investing more and going one-on-one.”
Most dating sites try to acquire customers and then pay no mind in helping them succeed. I spoke at about 4 online dating conferences where I encouraged them to work with folks like me to educate their millions of members about online dating profiles, photos, email technique, the male and female user experience, etc.
You know how many sites I ended up working with? None.
You know how many sites are struggling because their members hate it? All.
Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.
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