Why Millennials Are (Smartly) Waiting to Get Married

I’ve written over 120 blog posts that have to do with marriage, but every time I get a new data point, I feel it’s worth my while to share it with you.

Today’s article is music to my own ears: “Put a Ring on It? Millennial Couples Are in No Hurry.” Say what you will about this young adult generation but hopefully, they’re learning from the mistakes of their elders. Then again, they may not be. Perhaps they’re just hesitant to marry because they have more economic uncertainty and are more committed to a life of freedom (the gig economy, AirBnB, Tinder) than, say, GenX.

Say what you will about this young adult generation but hopefully, they’re learning from the mistakes of their elders.

More likely than not, it’s both.

“Julianne Simson, 24, and her boyfriend, Ian Donnelly, 25, are typical. They have been dating since they were in high school and have lived together in New York City since graduating from college, but are in no rush to get married.

Ms. Simson said she feels “too young” to be married. “I’m still figuring out so many things,” she said. “I’ll get married when my life is more in order.”

She has a long to-do list to get through before then, starting with the couple paying down student loans and gaining more financial security. She’d like to travel and explore different careers, and is considering law school.”

I wrote about this in a piece called “The Millennial Success Sequence,” which basically puts your twenties and thirties in an order designed for optimal results: degree, job, marriage, then kids, as opposed to, say, starting with kids and working backward.

The article was based on reports from eHarmony and Match, which remind us that, for all the change in the world, most people are on the same page with what they want – to take the time to make smarter choices in love.

Nearly 70 percent of singles surveyed by Match.com recently as part of its eighth annual report on singles in America said they wanted a serious relationship. And the median age of marriage has risen to 29.5 for men and 27.4 for women in 2017.

And the median age of marriage has risen to 29.5 for men and 27.4 for women in 2017.

The one piece of information that challenged a pre-conceived belief of mine was the efficacy of “friends with benefits” to translate into a real relationship. I generally tell women to dump men if they haven’t become boyfriends in 6-8 weeks.

Sure enough, “Over half of millennials who said they had had a  friends with benefits relationship said it evolved into a romantic relationship…And some 40 percent of millennials said a platonic friendship had evolved into a romantic relationship, with nearly one-third of the 40 percent saying the romantic attachment grew into a serious, committed relationship.”

So there you go. There are a million ways to find lasting love, and thanks to big data, we now know what works best, in general. Get your education. Get some life experience. Date for 2-3 years minimum before getting married (unless you’re 39 and want kids). And chances are, you’ll avoid many of the mistakes made by the very generation that’s giving you all this advice.

Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.

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