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Ring in the new year with some jolly good laughter with these hilariously funny new years eye quotes! Cheers to a fabulous 2024!
Another year over, a new one just begun. You’ll probably be singing this at least once on New Years Eve, and probably twice on New Years.
No matter how your past year was, end it on a good note, by laughing. Laughter really is the best medicine, right? When you’re happy, it puts you in an even more joyous mood. When you’re not happy, laughter can help you feel that glimmer of happiness.
New Years Eve is a time of reflection. A time to look back on the past year and see how far we’ve come. It’s a time to look forward to – we have a new book to write. What better way to start that off than with laughter?
It’s also a time for celebration. You probably have a bottle of champagne ready to be popped at midnight. And if you don’t have one, you’re probably going somewhere that does! Let’s be honest – New Year’s Eve is associated with a lot of drinking, isn’t it?
So whether you loved this past year or hated it, these New Years Eve quotes are sure to get you laughing. If you were looking for a fun caption for that New Years Eve Insta post or TikTok vid, these are sure to do the trick, too.
72 Funny New Years Eye Quotes For Ringing In 2024
“Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.” – Oprah Winfrey
Preach Oprah, preach!
“My New Year’s resolution list usually starts with the desire to lose between 10 and 3,000 pounds.” – Nia Vardalos
“My New Year’s resolution was to stop saying ‘You go, girl’ to myself.” – Zach Galifianakis
“Before I agree to this year, I need to see the terms and conditions.” – Anonymous
“You know how I always dread the whole year? Well, this time I’m only going to dread one day at a time.” – Charlie Brown
Honestly, Charlie Brown basically gave us all the best resolution..
“My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.” —Anonymous
This also sounds like a fantastic New Year’s resolution.
“Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year’s resolutions, and I’ve stuck with it ever since.” – Dave Beard
I don’t know which resolution is better – this one or Charlie Brown’s!
“I thought one of the perks of having a family was that you didn’t have to spend New Year’s Eve alone with Chinese food… I am alone with Chinese food.” — “Sex And The City”
“I would say ‘Happy New Year,’ but it’s not happy; it’s exactly the same as last year except colder.” – Robert Clark
“A little party never killed nobody.” – Fergie
“You heard that? That’s the sound of the price going up.” — Jay Z
We all should’ve listened to Jay-Z. I literally now can hear prices increasing each year. Is this what being an adult is?
“It’s the final countdown.” – Europe
“Thank u, next.” – Ariana Grande
“An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.” – Bill Vaughan
Which one are you this year?
“I’m a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser.” – Robert Paul
“People treat New Year’s like some sort of life-changing event. If your life sucked last year, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow.” – Anonymous
OK this one may be a bit harsh, but it’s so true! It had me chuckling. Your life doesn’t just magically change – you’ve gotta be proactive about it, right?
“New Year’s is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.” – Mark Twain
“New Year’s Day now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.” – Mark Twain
“New Year’s Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.” – Jay Leno
“Stir the eggnog, lift the toddy, Happy New Year everybody.” – Phyllis McGinley
“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.” – Bill Vaughn
Which category do you fall under?!
“I can’t believe it’s been a year since I didn’t become a better person.” – Anonymous
“Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.” – Brooks Atkinson
“I’m gonna order a pizza five minutes before the new year and when they arrive I will say, ‘I ordered this a year ago!’” – Anonymous
This screams dad joke to me, doesn’t it?
“I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.” – Anaïs Nin
“Tonight’s December thirty-first, something is about to burst… Hark, it’s midnight, children dear. Duck! Here comes another year!” – Ogden Nash
OK this is just straight-up fun to say!
“Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it’s twice as onerous a duty.” – John Selden
“Avoid noisy, expensive, overhyped New Year’s Eve parties by hanging out at home wondering what you’re missing at those parties.” – Anonymous
FOMO? Who’s he?
“Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self-assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.” – Eric Zorn
“May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.” – Joey Adams
Honestly, it’s pretty true though and we all know it…
“May the New Year bring you courage to break your resolutions early!” – Anonymous
“Tonight I’m going to party like it’s 1999.” – Prince
The good ‘ole days, right? Who doesn’t want to party like it’s the ’90s again?! For most of us, that’s the decade we were born in!
“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
In this case, the drink takes you all the way into a new year!
“A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.” – Anonymous
Teeheehee I love a good play on words!
“May the New Year bring you courage to break your resolutions early! My own plan is to swear off every kind of virtue, so that I triumph even when I fall.” – Aleister Crowley
“Champagne: Because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad on New Year’s Eve!” – Anonymous
They have a point there…
“Every New Year’s I have the same question: ‘How did I get home?’” – Melanie White
But waking up in your own home on New Year’s Day is quite the accomplishment, right?
“This New Year’s I was going to make a resolution never to be late again, but I didn’t wake up until January 2.” – Melanie White
“New Years paraded have a lot in common with Santa Claus. Nobody is awake to see either one of them.” – Melanie White
“It wouldn’t be New Year’s if I didn’t have regrets.” – William Thomas
Admit it – how many times have you woken up on New Year’s Day with some regret (or haze) from New Year’s Eve…
“It’s time to make old mistakes in different ways. Hurray! Happy New Year!” – Anonymous
“It’s officially New Year’s Eve. You only have a couple of hours to do all the things you will resolve not to do in the new year.” – Anonymous
I’ll admit – I’ve done this. “I can’t do this next year, so let me get it out of my system now!” But that’s now how resolutions should work, is it…
“Good parties create a temporary youthfulness.” – Mason Cooley
You’re only as young as you are in this moment, right? Why not ring out the year feeling your youngest and funnest?!
“Just here for the champagne” – Anonymous
I mean, we all are, right?
“The new year begins in a snow-storn of white vows.” – George William Curtis
“My New Year’s resolution for 2010? I will be less lazy.” – Jim Gaffigan
“I haven’t been this excited about a new year since last year.” – Anonymous
The corniest of the corniest… but still so funny!
“You want to spend more time with Dad? What about my New Year’s resolution?” – Homer Simpson
“My new year resolution? Buy more shoes, drink more wine, and don’t worry about the gym. I can do this.” – Anonymous
Now these are my kind of resolutions!
“9 PM is the new midnight.” – Anonymous
“He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; He who makes one is a fool.” – F.M. Knowles
“To be an ideal guest, stay at home.” – E.W. Howe
If you were looking for a reason not to go to that New Year’s Eve party, here’s your excuse!
“The only new year resolution most people should make is to make no more resolutions. People really suck at keeping up their resolutions!” – Anonymous
I also 100% agree with this.
“To a New Year full of new possibilities, even though I’m sure we’ll just do the same old stuff anyway.” – Anonymous
I mean, if they’re things you like doing, why shouldn’t you keep them up in the new year?
“All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months!” – Edward Payson Powell
“Cheers to the people who love us, the losers who lost us, and the lucky ones who still get to meet us.” – Anonymous
I feel like I’ve definitely used this one as a caption one New Year’s Eve. It’s a classic!
“Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let’s just wish each other a bile-less New Year and leave it at that.” – Judith Christ
“The most fun part about making New Year’s resolutions is breaking New Year’s resolutions.” – Anonymous
It really is though – it’s like something we’re all in together. “So which month did you break your resolution?”
“New Year’s resolution: to tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.” – James Agate
“May your dreams get fulfilled as well as your bills. Best of luck with the New Year, dear.” – Anonymous
This is the New Year’s wish I want from someone! Probably the nicest thing you could say TBH.
“May you become smart enough to realize that resolutions don’t come true and wise enough to know that the difference between a new year and an old year is 1 minute past 12 AM.” – Anonymous
“Sometimes a year has been so disastrous and so terrible that entering a new year will automatically mean entering a wonderful year!” – Mehmet Murat İldan
Perspective, right?
“‘Out with the old, in with the new’ is a fitting expression for a holiday that is based on vomiting.” – Andy Borowitz
“May you find the strength to write, “Who is this?” to all the strange numbers that text you ‘Happy New Year!’ tonight.” –Damien Fahey
“My resolution was to read more, so I put the subtitles on my TV.” – Anonymous
It still counts, right? Pretty clever, NGL.
“You can get excited about the future. The past won’t mind.” – Hillary DePiano
“If you make a New Year’s resolution to eat a healthy diet and you keep it, you won’t actually live longer, but will seem longer.” – Greg Tamblyn
“As the clock strikes twelve, may you have the stamina to wish all of your in-numerous Facebook Friends a Happy New Year.” – Anonymous
You post one generic New Year’s image and the floodgates open…
“A good friend always asks about your new year’s resolutions. A great friend encourages you to make none.” – Anonymous
This would be perfect caption under that snap with your besties from the New Year’s Eve party you’re at that you’re definitely posting.
“Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.” – Oscar Wilde
“I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It’s a nice reminder of what I did all year.” – Anonymous
“What I want to do this year: #1 drink water. #2 Eat healthy. What I’ll probably do this year. #1 Drink margaritas. #2 Eat tacos.” – Anonymous
This definitely reminds me of an Instagram vs. Reality post! And is typically what my New Year’s Resolutions look like…
We hope you found some great inspiration in these funny new years eve quotes!
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About the Author
Michelle graduated from Fordham University with a Bachelors of Arts ’13 and a Master of Arts ’14. She’s currently working in corporate America with a side of freelance writing. She wants you to learn from her experiences and mistakes so your 20s can be your best decade. When she’s not working, she’s likely planning her escape to a tropical island.
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