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Terry describes how the delusions of toxic individualism and patriarchy that plague our culture are an attempt to control and be above nature, and how getting what we really want from our lives and relationships requires a shift toward relating compassionately to others’ experience–moving away from ‘me vs. you’ and into Us.
About our Guest: Terrence Real is an internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and bestselling author. He is also founder of the Relational Life Institute, which offers workshops for couples as well as professional training for clinicians in his Relational Life Therapy (RLT) methodology. His latest book is Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship which comes out this month.
Key Topics:
0:00: Introduction
1:45: Terry’s personal transformation
4:55: Regulating up to our parents
7:05: The Adaptive Child vs. the Wise Adult
14:25: Us vs. the delusions of individualism and patriarchy
18:05: Balancing acceptance and agency
22:45: Enlightened self-interest and working with couples
29:25: Three phases to get more of what you want in relationships without a counselor
33:35: How to support people–particularly women–in dealing with unfairness
37:15: Gendered tendencies–moving into intimacy and out of patriarchy
43:20: Shame and healthy self-esteem
49:40: Relational reckoning and relational integrity
56:55: Repairing trust and grandiosity
1:01:00: Recap
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