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How?
(To be sure, we can also make mistakes in the opposite direction, such as underestimating the benefits of getting more skillful at being a mate or the long-term costs of global warming. But in this limited space, let’s focus on the brain’s bias toward overestimating the benefits of things that are bad – broadly defined – and the costs of things that are good.)
Try to be more aware of the little choices you make about what you will and will not do. Slow things down in your mind and unpack these bargains to be more aware of the anticipated benefits and costs that drive them.
Know your usual suspects – the “carrots” you chase to a fault and the “sticks” you needlessly run from.
Pick a desire that’s been an issue for you (e.g., food, drink, pulling for approval), and ask yourself: Are the expected benefits really that good? Try to imagine them in your body. How intense would they be, and how long would they last? What price will you pay later? Are there better ways to get these benefits? Are there better benefits to be found in pursuing other aims?
Also, pick something that’s been a block for you (e.g., public speaking, asserting yourself in love or work, pursuing a lifelong dream), and ask yourself: Are the expected costs really that bad? Truly, how uncomfortable would you actually be, how long would it really last – and how could you cope? Would you survive the experience? How would you feel about yourself, finally pushing through this fear? What other rewards would come to you?
Now, take two calculated risks – and see what happens: stop chasing some hollow and costly carrot, plus take some positive action you’ve over-feared, no longer fleeing a paper tiger. Notice that these are much better bargains! Open to and really feel the positive experiences you have earned. Link these good feelings to the specific steps you’ve taken and to the general practice of being more conscious and realistic about benefits and costs.
And feel free to keep going – making better bargains.
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