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What’s to like?
The Practice:
See what’s likable.
Why?
Liking feels good, plus it encourages us to approach and engage the world rather than withdraw from it.
Your brain continually tracks whether something is pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. In essence, is it a carrot, a stick, or safely ignored? Naturally, we like – we enjoy – what’s pleasant, dislike what’s unpleasant, and with what’s neutral would get pleasant pronto.
Natural opioids – pleasure molecules – are released when you see things you like; on the other hand, disliking things can activate the neural networks of pain. Liking things feels good, so we approach them; disliking things feels bad, so we avoid them.
We are hardwired to like some things, like the sweetness of sugar, and dislike other things, like shivering from cold. But most situations are in the middle and formed of many parts. Consequently, our response to them – liking or disliking – depends a lot on what we pay attention to and on our own perspective.
Consider someone you know well, maybe your partner in life. Like each one of us, this person is a mosaic with many tiles. Even if you love this person, it’s easy to get so used to his or her good qualities that you kind of tune them out.
The same is true for other people, and for many everyday situations. For example, you might feel fine overall about your job or career but have lost touch with lots of the concretely good things about it.
I’m not talking about craving or clinging to what you like. You can thoroughly enjoy and like a pleasant experience while letting it flow through you without getting attached to it.
Nor am I talking about rose-colored glasses. Sure, we need to see real problems and deal with them. But when we overlook things we could authentically like, we miss out on chances to feel good, step into life, and seize opportunities.
Plus flip it around. How do you feel when you are with someone who sees lots to like in you? When you find things to like in others, it’s a beautiful gift to them. And in turn, it leads them to treat you better.
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