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But one whom you forgive anything, I forgive also; for indeed what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ, so that no advantage would be taken of us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his schemes. 2 Corinthians 2:10-11
Harboring bitterness is probably one of the easiest ways the enemy spoils relationships and also rips us off of God’s blessings. If unforgiveness was left alone in our hearts, it would be poison enough, but Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians that the enemy uses unforgiveness to take advantage of us. It isn’t just set inside our souls; it becomes a tool in the enemy’s hand.
Unforgiveness can develop into bitterness. Scripture warns us of bitterness’ power:
See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled… Hebrews 12:15
There are only a few places in Scripture where I see definite “grace dams” in someone’s life, and bitterness is one of them! I need every drop of God’s grace in my life that I can get – so if holding onto bitterness robs me of that grace, then I need to do whatever it takes to rid my heart of it! Working through unforgiveness is the key to washing bitterness out of our lives.
A close relative of unforgiveness is anger. It’s another natural human emotion the enemy so sneakily uses against us.
BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. Ephesians 4:26-27
God knows things in life will make us mad, but His Word warns us not to allow that anger to remain in our hearts overnight. When we allow anger to fester, the enemy gets “opportunity” or a foothold in our lives. That word there in Greek is the same word used to describe a location the military would use in battle. I don’t want the enemy to have a military outpost in my emotions or my marriage – so whatever it takes, the anger can’t stay!
On the note of anger, I’ve known many Christians who cite “righteous anger” and also this passage from Ephesians as if they are passes for us to be angry. When I can, I ask, “Why do you want the right to be angry? Why do you want it to have anger in your heart?” I’ve seen the lasting fruit of anger. I’ve experienced its destruction quite personally. I don’t want it in my life. James tells us the “anger of man does not accomplish the righteousness of God” (James 1:20).
Unprocessed emotions and hurts are tools the enemy often tries to use against us. We are wise to safeguard our marriage through prayer over this area of our lives. Sometimes, long conversations and even outside help are needed. Whatever means necessary, we are healthier as individuals and as a family when we are aware of our emotional responses and navigate them with grace and the guidance of Scripture.
(If you’d like more help processing your emotions, Soul Sorting is a resource that might be helpful.)
Marriage is a wonderful relationship experience. But to be married well requires more than most of us imagine when standing at the altar. We are wise to invest all we can in the health of our marriage. A piece of that nurturing is “weeding the garden” of our relationship. The enemy can come in so small and unassuming, the same way a weed sprouts up next to a seedling. If we don’t tend the weeds, they end up larger than all we’ve planted and then choke out the good plants, so they can’t bear fruit. I hope this is a good start for ways to prayerfully “weed” the garden of your love so it can bear all the sweet fruit God intended for you!
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