5 Crucial Questions to Ask Before Starting a Family

Starting a family is no mean feat. You are not ready to marry (let alone sire kids) if you are not mature both physically and emotionally. Some research shows that our brains do not fully develop till we are almost 30 years of age. This serves to reinforce the fact that starting a family is not for kids. You have to be mature to be able to make sound decisions, have realistic expectations, have self-confidence, and be able to delay gratification. 

In a relationship, an immature partner will be self-centered, poor in communication, unwilling to compromise, and unable to get a grip on their emotions. Seeing that starting a family comes with lots of responsibilities that require sobriety, you cannot, therefore, gamble on maturity. It takes a fully-fledged adult to gladly serve their partner, meet their needs, pay bills, plan for the future, and nurture children. 

“But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.” (Galatians 5:14, NKJV). 

2. Am I Whole as a Person?

If you are nursing major wounds as a person, you may need to first seek healing before starting a family. Here’s the thing, your partner or kids cannot make you whole. You need to first be your own person before you can be united with your partner: someone who is happy with themselves and does not rely on others to keep him/her enthused, someone who readily pursues their life goals and hobbies and has other thriving relationships besides their relationship with their partner. Additionally, you need to be emotionally stable, confident, and self-respecting. This is not to mean that you should be perfect. Far from it. Besides, we all have flaws. But you should be happy and content with who God made you before taking the parenting plunge. 

The scriptures urge us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves (Matthew 22:39). If you are self-loathing and reek of low self-esteem, you will not be able to love your spouse sufficiently. You may be like a leaking vessel, unable to contain enough for yourself – let alone for sharing with others. If you fear that you are not whole as a person, fret not. God is able (and willing) to make you whole. He sent His son Jesus to give us life in abundance (John 10:10). Seek Him and cling to His word. Seek help if you need to and work on yourself. 

“For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds, says the Lord, because they called you an outcast saying: ‘This is Zion; No one seeks her.’” (Jeremiah 30:17, NKJV).