“I’m sorry, you are simply not what we are looking for.” Another letter of rejection from an organization I was applying for. Day after day, letters of rejection came in from various jobs that I had applied for. Doubt, fear, and self-hate filled my heart as I read each email.
Dealing with rejection is hard. Most of us have had at least one rejection in our lifetime. Whether that be rejection from a job, a partner, or a friend, we have all been rejected at some point in time.
Recently, I have been facing rejection at every turn. Despite being told the job market is doing well right now, I have not been able to land a full-time position.
This, coupled with personal issues and bad reviews on my writing, has led me to go into a bout of depression. While not everyone deals with rejection the same way, everyone’s experience is valid.
Some people can bounce back more easily, and others cannot. If you are someone like me and it tends to take more time to bounce back, don’t give yourself a hard time.
All of us process rejection at different rates. Processing it fast is not bad, nor is it bad to process it slower. Give yourself grace during this time and allow yourself to feel your feelings.
Sadly, many Christian communities demonize feelings, especially sadness and sorrow. None of these emotions are sinful. Feel your feelings and process the rejection in your own time.
The Burn of Rejection
At the time we are rejected, it feels like someone is cauterizing our hearts. This is especially true if it was a job you really wanted or a person you truly wanted to be with. When we are rejected by a job employer, a partner, or a friend, it can make our self-worth suffer. Instead of feeling confident, we will feel we are not good enough or inadequate in some way.
If you are also someone seeking out full-time employment and have been receiving letters of rejection, it can make you feel discouraged. I know this has certainly been true for myself. Being rejected makes one feel like they are a failure, will never be good enough, and are not worthy. All of these things can hurt our self-esteem and self-image.
If you are dealing with rejection and feeling discouraged because of it, know that the right opportunity will show up. Be encouraged. Know that the Lord will work everything out in conformity with His will (Romans 8:28).
It would be nice to know the exact timing of when this will happen, but sadly, I do not have the answers. I share with you the same thing I have been telling myself: God is in control, and you can trust Him.
The Bible tells us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).
As this Bible verse tells us, we need to trust in the Lord. We don’t need to try to take matters into our own hands. Wait on the Lord and trust that deliverance will come. Whether you are waiting on a job offer or for the right person to come along, keep on trusting in the Lord.
Living with Rejection
After we have received the letter of rejection, our partner ended things with us, or we had a falling out with our friend, we have to begin the process of living with rejection. Living a life without rejection would be ideal, but sadly, this is not possible.
We live in a fallen world and part of living in a fallen world is having to live with rejection. There will be times that we will be rejected, discouraged, and hopeless. However, there will also be times of great joy, encouragement, and hope.
When you are crestfallen due to much rejection, reflect on God and all of the joyous times He has blessed you with. Take a few minutes to reflect on a few good things in your life. These things don’t have to be going on right now — rather it can be things in your past.
As an example, recently I have been reflecting on the beautiful blessings God has given me in the forms of a beautiful sunny day, the peaceful rain, and the comfort of a familiar book.
Although none of these things technically fix my feelings of rejection, they do help me distract myself from the pain. Sometimes, we have to distract ourselves until we are ready to deal with the pain.
There are stages to embracing rejection and not allowing it to affect you, but they do take time. Some days you might feel more ready to face the rejection head on and other days you might feel like distracting yourself. Whatever helps you best right now is the route you should take.
Accepting Rejection and Moving Forward
Once we are ready to accept the rejection and move forward, we can start taking the proper steps. Accepting the rejection might come faster than you think. Normalize not being praised or rewarded at every corner. Allow yourself to accept both the good and the bad.
Even though we may have been rejected does not mean we are not good enough. The Lord loves us as we are. We will face many rejections throughout our life, but God always accepts us. In other people’s eyes, we might be seen as rejected. However, in God’s eyes we are seen as loved, accepted, and chosen.
If we are not able to accept rejection and learn to let it go, it will make us suffer in many ways. We have to remember that most people do not care about our feelings. They are not going to be afraid to say hurtful comments to us. While we cannot control what they say or do, we can control how we respond.
The Bible tells us, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” (Colossians 4:6). And this is exactly what I chose to do.
We can accept negative feedback, rejection, and hurtful words while also remaining a light for Jesus. The Lord wants us to conduct ourselves in a holy and honorable way (1 Peter 1:16).
Even if others do not treat us kindly, God still wants us to be kind to them. Rejection can make us grow angry and hateful, but we must not feed into these feelings. We need to turn to the Lord and allow Him to help us accept the rejection and move forward.
Nothing is too difficult for God. He is our Father and desires to give us comfort. Rejection will never be pleasant, but it doesn’t give us an excuse to also be mean back.
We have to choose kindness even when nobody else does. Be kind to all people, even those who have rejected you. Don’t hold grudges against the people who have rejected you. Holding grudges against people will only hurt us.
Give all of your hurt, pain, and rejection over to God. He will remind you that you are loved, chosen, and accepted (1 John 3:1; John 15:13; 1 Peter 1:2; Ephesians 1:6-7).
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Chinnapong
www.ibelieve.com
