How To Test Him To See If He Cares [The Definitive Test] – The Feminine Woman – Dating, Love & Relationship Advice for Women

How can you test him to see if he cares about you?

Knowing how to test a guy is imperative when you’re dating, and here’s why.

Because it is during the beginning stages or the dating stages that men and women have to pass each other’s tests.

In fact, in the early stages, everything is a test of our value! Man or woman.

This is because a potential mate or partner has to prove to be worthy of your time, effort and energy.

In the beginning, you haven’t overcome enough obstacles together yet, and you haven’t fully proven your value to each other yet. 

It is natural to suss each other out and to prove your value to each other.

Without tests, you would never know if the other person is worth your investment or not.

In fact, most women don’t test enough! (Here’s how to tell what a guy wants from you.)

This may seem like I’m saying that dating is a game.

Well, it is. It’s actually the love game. 

And the love game is nature’s only game, according to some experts on love, like Helen Fisher.

But don’t see this as something to worry about. It’s really not as bad as you think. Just see it as a new piece of information and let it sit with you for a bit. 

It’s A Good Thing If You Want To Test A Man…

Just quickly before we get into how to test a guy to see if he really loves you, I need to get something out of the way:

Testing is NOT a bad thing.

It’s actually a good thing if you want to test him to see if he cares. 

It’s also a good thing if you want to know how to test him to see if he loves you.

Whether he’s your boyfriend already or is just a new date, there’s likely a good reason why you want to test him.

As long as you test in the right way. The last thing you want to do is test a man in a mean and nasty way (which I trust you’re not here to do).

By the way, for more on testing a man, here are 5 Revealing Questions to Ask Him To Know His Intentions.

I will first teach you how to test your boyfriend. This will help you if you’re already in a relationship.

And then, I will show you how to test him in dating, before he is your boyfriend. 

How To Test Him: Use The Having A Bad Day Test.

One solution to the problem of how to test him to see if he cares, is to use the “having a bad day” test. 

You tell the guy when you’re feeling unwell, down or having a bad day. And then you ask for his company.

The point of this is to take any sexy talk (or even the act of sex) out of the picture, and see if he’s willing to offer the gift of his emotional presence and company.

Emotional energy and presence is one of the hardest things for a man to offer a woman. Especially for men who aren’t serious about you, and the ones who only want one thing: sexual access to you. 

Does he have to come over to your house to pass the test?

No, he doesn’t. 

To pass the test, all he needs to do is give you the indication that he’s willing to give his presence and company (or even advice if you need it), and then follow through with it.

You guys could talk about your bad day over a phone call, video chat, or at your house (if you guys are at that stage). 

Yes, this means that you can use this test even if you are in a long distance relationship. 

By the way, if you want to test how “commitment-friendly” your man is, you can take our super quick and easy quiz:

QUIZ TIME: Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with this specially crafted quiz!

Is He Serious About You Or Just Keeping You Around? 

A man who isn’t serious about you will not pass this “having a bad day” test. Here’s the difference between when he’s serious about you or just “interested”. 

A man who just wants sex, approval, attention or validation will not pass this test, either.

But how will he show it if he doesn’t actually care about you? 

Moreover, how will his actions show that he’s not really serious about you? 

His actions will tell you he doesn’t care when it’s clear that he does not actually give a damn about what’s bothering you.

A man who doesn’t care about you will not care to meet you where you are at emotionally.

In other words, if you’re having a bad day because you’re feeling under the weather, or because something horrible happened at work, and he does NOT show that he’s willing to be on the same emotional page as you, then he doesn’t pass the test. 

One of the signs he cares deeply about you is that he has empathy for you, or he is willing to at least try to have empathy for you.

(See: not all men are inherently skilled at understanding a woman’s emotions, because they are men and their experience of the world is different to ours. So we have to respect that too, and have some patience.)

A man who cares about you, will have empathy for you. A man who doesn’t will find it very hard to give you empathy. In fact, he may actively avoid it. 

The best he could do would be to try to fake it.

Here are the top 3 dating red flags to watch out for.

How To Execute The “Bad Day” Test…

So how can you accomplish this test in action? 

Tell him you’re not feeling 100% for whatever reason. 

It could be due to a bad work day, an injury, or even illness.

Tell him you just need to share what’s going on, what happened and ask him kindly if he will listen. 

You can also invite him to call you, talk with you or come to your house to just connect with you or be with you (without any sex involved). 

Make sure it’s clear that this is about your bad day and not about sex. 

Our goal here is to take sex out of the picture and see how he responds.

If you’re still unsure whether this guy is actually wanting a relationship with you, I recommend you read my article on the 6 Burning Signs He Doesn’t Want A Relationship With You.  

CLICK HERE to discover the ONE PHRASE you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! (Works like magic in a high vale non-needy way!)

This Test Won’t Work In This Scenario…

Disclaimer: I also want to put a disclaimer here: if you are the kind of woman who has abused her boyfriend in the past, this test will be harder for you to accomplish. 

It will also be harder for him to ‘pass’ the test.

Women who repeatedly take, take and take value from a man will eventually wear down any feelings of connection and attraction he has for her.

Can you guess what happens when the attraction and connection wears down?

The man will value you and the relationship less. The relationship inevitably breaks down. 

If you want to know how to keep your relationships passionate and remain “tight” with a man for the long term, I recommend you check out these 5 must follow rules for dating and relationships for women. 

So, this test isn’t meant to be another excuse to kind of “abuse” a guy. It’s an innocent test that every woman should use, if she actually cares for him, and wants to take her relationship with a guy to the next level. 

Let’s explore more solutions to the question of how to test him to see if he cares.

How To Test My Potential Boyfriend? Here’s How You Test His Value…

If you’re just dating a guy, here is how you test him to see how high value he is…

You need to use a concept called high value banter.

My hubby and I wrote a definitive guide on How To Banter. (This article will teach you exactly why learning banter is imperative for you as a woman. It will save you a lot of heartache and wasted time with the wrong men!)

If you currently feel like your guy is pulling away and doesn’t care about you, here’s a one word phrase you can text him.

This one word phrase will test him to see if he’s willing to show up for you.

Now, more on high value banter…

If you want clear-cut examples that you can copy and paste, get them now from my wonderful husband’s free high value banter class here. 

If you read the part above on how to test him to see if he cares, you’ll remember that a man passes the test if he shows that he’s willing to be on the same emotional page as you.

Well, high value banter will work in the dating stages in a similar way…

Here Is Why High Value Banter Works To Test Him

Here’s what high value banter does for you in the dating stages.

It shows you whether he’s a high value man who wants to connect with you, or whether he’s going to be a toxic, abusive man that you need to avoid.

How does banter achieve this?

By introducing moments of spontaneity. Through spontaneity, you get to:

1. Reveal the “lesser” men who are operating from their same old pickup game; and
2. You get to reveal the toxic, manipulative men for their abusive intentions. This is because these types of men cannot actually engage with spontaneity and playfulness. It’s the antithesis of toxic abuse, you see!

So, playful banter achieves the purpose of testing men to see if they care, even in the dating stages. 

Of course we aren’t asking them to really care deeply about you, you’re essentially strangers to each other to begin with.

What we are doing, is testing men to see if they care about connection. This is so crucial.

Finding out whether he cares to connection or not, will make all the difference in you figuring out whether he has to potential to commit to you, or whether he’s toxic or just a f*ckboy.

Why Test Him To See If He Cares To Connect?

In online dating and real life dating, it’s essential for you to quickly figure out if his intent is to connect or not. 

Let me explain simply.

A man who isn’t here to connect will just waste your precious time.

High value banter is a way of communicating with men online and in person.

It is designed specifically for you to form a real connection with the right, high quality men whilst repelling and eliminating the low value men quickly.

Now, a man not responding to your high value banter is a definite red flag.

If he cannot pass the test dished out by you through banter, he’s a bad egg.

The reason for this is that men who don’t respond (or at least try to) respond to your banter are not there to connect with you. Period. 

And remember what you’re dating for?

That’s right! To make a real connection. 

We’re not doing it to pass the time or to fumble around in the dark, all the while tolerating abusive behaviour from men.

We’re doing it to form a solid sense of emotional connection with a man that will lead to you forming a lifelong, passionate committed relationship with him!

By the way, here are 6 behaviors you should NEVER tolerate in a man!

What Does High Value Banter Do To Low Value Men?

High value banter works because it will help you put men on their metaphorical back foot, to see how they respond. Especially the low value men.

Low value men will take your banter personally and even attack you back (even though you’re only being playful).

Banter is meant to be playful and build emotional attraction with men. (Read my guide on triggering emotional attraction in men here.)

The high value men will often play along with your banter and connect with you more. These are the men who aren’t hung up on themselves and their ego, and who aren’t abusive.

Narcissistic, manipulative men will fail the test of high value banter miserably, because they need too much control, and take themselves far too seriously.

Here’s an article on the 7 Signs A Man Is Being Low Value. 

You see, every low value man, and every abusive or narcissistic man has a typical pattern through which they date women.

They have somewhat of a manipulative, uncalibrated habitual “script” that they go by in order to “suck in” the women who may be feeling desperate.

Their dating habit is designed by them unconsciously or subconsciously in order to suck in women who are willing to be abused and to take crumbs. (And lots of women fall for this particular tactic). 

So I recommend you try out playful banter. 

If they respond positively, they are a high value man.

If they respond negatively, then thank your lucky stars that you dodged that bullet!

If they care to continue the conversation and banter along with you, that’s a sign that they value attunement. And that is absolutely priceless for you.

If you’re interested in using high value banter, I have good news: we have a FREE class on it!

CLICK here to discover why you as a woman need to use the dark art of “High Value Banter” in order to quickly weed out the wrong types of men and create emotional attraction with the “BEST of MEN”! (…Even if no man has ever given you any love and all you’ve encountered so far are pen pals, ghosts, booty calls, and incredible duds!)

Don’t know what the dark feminine art of “High Value Banter” is? CLICK to find out. 

Does He Care About Me? How To Know If He Cares & Values You.

Now that you know how to test a guy before dating him, we need to distinguish between a man chasing you and a man valuing you.

If you are feeling unsure about how committed he really is right now, then listen up. 

It’s important for you to know and feel whether a man values you as a woman in his life, or not.

You see, a man chasing you and a man valuing you are very different things.

A lot of women assume that if a man chases them, that this must mean that he cares.

It doesn’t.

Just because a man chases you or gives you attention, doesn’t mean that he cares, or that he wants to know your soul.  

Men chase you for many reasons. A lot of them can be bad reasons. I cover this in my article “How To Make Him Chase You & Value You: High Value Women Secrets.”

Sometimes, men will chase just in order to not lose you.

A man can chase you or show “interest” in you, just because he wants to have you around, whilst putting in the bare minimum of effort.

But that doesn’t mean he values you!

You don’t want a guy who just hangs around in your life. You don’t want a guy who just simply chases you when you pull back or contact him less.

You want a man who values you.

Remember that when a man chases you, he could be doing it to take something from you.

On the other hand, if he actually values you, he will want to know your soul. 

He’ll want to devote every last inch of himself to you, forever.

This devotion is only reserved for the ‘one and only’ woman, however.

And only one woman can be in any man’s ‘one and only’ basket.

Conversely, hundreds of women could be in the ‘one of many’ basket. And none of them get his real emotional commitment and loyalty.

They get crumbs.

So here’s something you should always remember:

Men will give everything to their ‘one and only’ woman, and give crumbs to their ‘one of many’ woman.

This is because men place women into two categories when they meet them. The category of the one and only, or the one of many.

If you’d like to learn more about becoming his one and only woman (or to see if you’re his one and only or not), CLICK HERE to check out my brand new program, “Becoming His One and Only”. (The promise of this course is for you to have your chosen man fall in love with you & beg you to be his one & only by embodying these 5 feminine secrets, even if he’s been distant, avoidant, or losing interest…)

That’s all for this article. I hope you enjoyed reading it and that you got lots of value from it.

May I ask whether you have any methods for testing a man that you could share with us? If you do, share them in the comments below!

We learn best from each other, so I’d appreciate any extra tests you could share!