There are a few questions I get asked repeatedly when it comes to dating and timing. I thought it’d be helpful to share some of these questions and answers.
When am I ready to start dating again (after a breakup/divorce)?
If you’re waiting for the moment where you wake up and suddenly feel 100% ready to date, the reality is, that day is not coming.
You can still miss your ex, and a part of you might still feel sad about what happened. That doesn’t mean your heart is closed for business. There is no perfect timeline where the emotions from one relationship end in one neat and tidy finale.
Online dating is exhausting and I’m ready to give up. If it’s this hard, isn’t this a sign to stop?
To answer this question, I want you to think about that trip you’ve dreamt of taking. Let’s say it’s Bali. To get to Bali, you need to pack, go through customs, and fly a grueling overnight flight. Not to mention the 2 hours of traffic you’ll go through once you leave the airport. You take these steps because it takes you to your destination. You don’t expect it to be fun. You just do it as part of the process.
The same mentality needs to be applied to dating. You go on dates, you go through the ups and downs, and the commit to the process – because you’re doing it as a step to your ultimate destination which is your relationship goal (however that goal looks like is personal and unique to you).
So don’t stop because it’s hard and uncomfortable. It’s supposed to be. But do learn how to get more skilled in dating, because once you do, it becomes a lot more enjoyable and effective.
Dating is so hard at my age, in my city, <insert excuse here>. Should I just accept I’ll stay single forever?
Dating is a skill. If you never learned how to do it, it can feel like navigating an obstacle course.
But you can learn the tools, psychology, and tried-and-tested methods to help you improve that skill. When you do, dating becomes more fun, and more effective as getting the results you want.
Just because it’s been hard, and you feel unmotivated, it doesn’t mean that you need to go to extremes and give up at your chance of creating a relationship. It means you have an opportunity to figure out what part of the dating process you’re struggling with, and create a new strategy so you can change your results.
I can’t just force myself to like someone, and I don’t click with anyone. Are you saying I should settle?
Often, we don’t see our dating blind spots. One of the biggest dating blind spots is being attached to a ‘type’ – you’ve already made up your mind NO before someone even has a chance if they don’t fit the same blueprint of other people you’ve liked in the past. And we can probably assume the ones in the past who were ‘your type’ didn’t work out, hence why you’re reading this.
Do not settle on your values, kindness, and being treated with love, care, and support. Keep those standards high.
But drop the “type”. The ideal person in your head (which is likely someone who you think should be like you) is keeping potentially suitable partners away. Stop trying to date someone who’s like you, or dating someone and then trying to change them into you. Ever heard of polarity? We need that for chemistry and passion. Dating a carbon copy of you will get boring fast.
So how do improve my dating skills?
I thought you’d never ask! You can learn the tools to become masterful at dating, by using the methods I teach. I’d love to guide you through the process as your mentor and offer private sessions. Want to finally change your relationship results? Or are you going to spend another year, more heartbreak, more disappointment more time, doing the same thing that hasn’t yielded you the results you want?
More information on how to work with me here.