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In today’s world, there seem to be so many rules about love, dating, and marriage. Who to date. How to date. What to do to get engaged. How to stay married. With so many varying opinions about how our love lives should be, it can be difficult to decipher what to do or how to navigate successfully through relationships. For a Christian, one would think it is easy to maneuver through these rules because our guidance for living is the Bible. However, many Christians often struggle with how to live in an upright manner that pleases God. There are questions many desire to ask, and sometimes, their interpretation of Scripture can be misunderstood or taught from an opinion that seems biblically based.
Espoused or dating couples face many challenges and must make several decisions that can affect their relationship and challenge their morals. Where do they go for dates, what are their thoughts on premarital sex, and how long should they date or remain engaged are some of the decisions they face and often struggle with. Another decision unmarried Christian couples often face is whether or not they should live together before marriage. Many people believe there are several valid reasons to do so. For instance, you learn each other’s habits, you can discover each other’s true expectations for marriage, and it can help in deciding whether or not couples want to go through with marriage. While these are all things people need to know, for the soon-to-be-married or marriage-hopeful Christian, they may not be reason enough to take the plunge into living together before they say I do. For believers, God not wanting couples living together before marriage often plagues their thoughts, especially when there is no specific Scripture that states couples cannot live together without the benefit of marriage. If you’re wondering why, take a look at the reasons listed below.
1. Sexual temptation.
Being in close quarters with the one you love, the one you desire, and the person you are physically attracted to can and will tempt anyone to engage in sexual activities. The Bible provides clear instructions on maintaining sexual morality for all believers, whether they are single, engaged, or married. If you are thinking about cohabitation before saying I do, then you and your fiance need to think about how you will avoid engaging in premarital sex. Will you sleep in separate bedrooms? Will you set boundaries for each other when it comes to sexual temptation? If you succumb to your sexual desires, is there a plan of repentance in place? If you are planning to cohabitate with your partner before marriage, you must acknowledge what God says about fornication and decide how you will handle the temptations together. Again, while there is no specific scripture in the Bible that states couples should not live together before marriage, this is one reason why many believers are taught that they should not do so.
2. It can mock marriage.
Living together before marriage mocks the covenant of marriage because couples tend to make decisions together and take care of household finances and other responsibilities that can come with marriage. Marriage is a sacred commitment to God and the people He brings together. The responsibilities that accompany it should not be taken lightly before a solid commitment is made. While the rationale to dwell together before saying I do is for people to learn more about each other, it still mocks the union that God ordained.
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3. It takes away the value of commitment.
Couples cohabitate together for many reasons—personal, financial, or convenience. While couples have their reasons for living together before marriage, many believe that doing so before marriage takes away the value of commitment. People can become content in their arrangement and may not feel the need to take the next step of marriage. This is not the case for all, but in many cases, couples who live together may not see the need for marriage, and for the Christian believer this dishonors God. The commitment of marriage is the standard God has set for believers. If you and your partner strive to live a life that pleases God, you may want to reconsider cohabitation before marriage. Knowing and understanding what commitment means to you and your future spouse is important. Both people need to be clear on what to expect and what level of commitment they are willing to show each other.
4. It may be harder to leave a relationship after cohabitation.
It’s been theorized that it may be harder to end a relationship once two people live together. Many couples have various reasons for living together before marriage, but one reason is to see if they are genuinely compatible with each other and if they can, in fact, peacefully live with each other. If people who live together discover, sooner or later, that they are not meant for each other, how do they successfully move forward with their lives individually? After sharing space, you become accustomed to seeing your partner daily; in a sense, they have become part of your routine. While establishing a new routine can be done, it can be challenging from an emotional point of view. It can also be difficult if one person does not have a stable means of income or a place to call their own in the event of a transition. No one wants someone they love to struggle, so depending on how things end, one partner may harbor feelings of guilt for wanting to leave the relationship.
Cohabitating with someone is an important decision for people to make. Some may consider it the big step before the bigger step of marriage. While people have their reasons for doing so, this should not be judged. There are so many things to consider, and you want to be sure your reasons are valid. For the believer, if you are thinking about this, seek counseling from married couples or a premarital counselor who has the same values and beliefs as you for guidance. Also, it’s important to discuss finances, expectations for the future, responsibilities, and other goals for the future for both of you.
The world and the world of believers have morals, values, and rules they live by for different reasons. It’s vital to be clear on how you want to live your life and how you want your relationships to go. Many people choose to cohabitate before marriage; others do not. As you continue your journey with God, your singleness, or your partner, I pray that you ask God for guidance on how He wants your life and all your relationships to go. Always be mindful, prayerful, and careful with the decisions you make in your relationships. Do what honors God and what’s best for both of you to live in harmony.
Photo credit: © Getty Images/jacoblund
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