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In this episode of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast, I’m speaking with C.K. Kelly Collins, author of The Swipe Right Effect – The Power to Get Unstuck. Her journey to find happiness after divorce is brimming with suggestions and lessons anyone can use and learn from.
Total Life Makeover
Along with her divorce, Kelly decided to sell her publishing business which was another key piece of her identity, along with being a wife and mother.
To do the hard work of healing, she embarked on a year-long travel sabbatical which allowed her to meet many wise people and enjoy a wide range of experiences.
She did date, and fall in love, but that relationship didn’t work out and she’s still looking for that right guy. But she knows much more about who she is and has done lots of forgiveness work among other types of healing. Now, she is well along on the path.
We talked about how dating after 50 is very different than when you are young. Since raising a family behind them, you can focus a lot more on how they treat you, if you have fun together, do you share the same values and have a similar life style.
The Swipe Right Effect
Next, I asked Kelly about her new book, The Swipe Right Effect and to tell me what that’s about.
She started by saying it was a “pay-it-forward” book, sharing all the wonderful advice, patience and love she got from friends and strangers about healing after divorce and rebuilding her life.
As she traveled, she began a gratitude process, remembering all the advice and reflecting on how it changed her life. Every chapter tells a different story about where she was at the time of receiving the advice, what her friend said and then part of each friend’s story as well. They are all incredible women.
We also talked about how you might have a different friends for different reasons. Some friends just want to gossip, some might want to play golf or go to lunch, and some get deep with conversation that explores the world.
Choose Yourself – Take Care of Yourself
The Swipe Right Effect is actually about choosing yourself. You have to work on yourself and learn to love yourself again. Looking back, she came to realize how stuck she had been after divorce and she needed to speak to her single friends most to get the understanding she needed.
It is so important that you realize you have to have your own life, which makes you more attractive to me. More so than when you make them your sole focus.
From my perspective, the last thing you want to do is try to fill a whole in your life with a man. As a dating coach for 20 years, I can say that is a recipe for heartbreak and disaster.
On a dating app, when you swipe right, you are choosing a man you think is a good prospect. However, Kelly wants you to take a beat and work on yourself after divorce before jumping back into the dating pool. Very wise.
Of course she knows this now because she didn’t recuperate or heal before dating. She jumped in with both feet immediately after divorce. She didn’t take time to get to know herself again, think about what she wanted, or what would work for her.
Love Yourself First
Kelly highly recommends looking in the mirror and saying, “I love you ” every day before you date because you have to love yourself first. Louise Haye would certainly agree! No matter how trite it sounds, it is necessary.
I chimed in with the fact that you can’t meet the kind of quality men you desire if you don’t love yourself first. You just can’t fill any holes in your life with dating. That’s when you are not resonating at the frequency you want to attract.
First you have to love yourself, and create a life you enjoy. Then you add love and you are connect at a much higher Emotional Intelligence level.
Kelly points out that you have to learn how to reframe situations or thoughts, so that when you come in contact with heart wrenching reminders of what was, you react less, accept what is and have healed from it to be in a more neutral place.
Discover What Makes You Happy
Writing down what makes you happy is a super simple yet powerful exercise that helps you lift your vibe. You don’t have to make a vision board with pictures, you can make a simple list of what makes you happy.
This is a dynamic method that helps you STOP thinking about the past and START thinking about the future and what makes you happy! This is an example of choosing you, vs. letting your power continue to leak as a victim who is angry.
You have a right to feel angry of course, but at some point, you need to work through it to move on to find yourself and happiness again.
Constant Change Is Evolution
Things in life today are constantly changing. We have to grow, move, and reshape ourselves. We have to pivot, change, and address new things that crop up in a way that is happening so rapidly today.
How many people live in the same house for 30 years, or one job or one relationship? Things are changing which can indicate you are growing and adapting! This isn’t something bad – it’s evolution.
Kelly went through a long process of forgiveness. She had to work on forgiving her ex. But she also had to find a way to forgive herself for saying in a miserable marriage for so long and looking back, wasted time.
She had to love and accept her for who she was at that time. And here I am today as a result of who I was then. This is an incredible step forward!
It’s Time For Adventure and Fun
Everything doesn’t have to be hard. At some point, depending on your situation and healing process, you can start to have fun and see things as an adventure. Creating a new life can be enjoyable and is very rewarding!
What if the horrible things that happen to you, makes room for something new and wonderful in your life?
This is where Kelly goes back to talking about her gratitude process. For example she’s grateful she and her husband had a good retirement fund so she could travel for a full year and heal.
Give yourself a chance to find what is good right now. Make this your practice, as well as loving yourself and forgiveness and this is a powerful recipe to get to happiness.
Get Kelly’s free gift – You can read the Preference and Chapter 1 of her book on her website. She also has a free tip sheet you can download – 10WaysToGetUnstuck.com
BIO – C.K. “Kelly” Collins
C.K. “Kelly” Collins was an award-winning publisher and owner of a hyperlocal new publishing company when she decided to get divorced, retire and sell her company and change her life.
Believing travels feeds the soul and grows the heart and mind, Kelly embarked on a travel sabbatical to write her book, The Swipe Right Effect: The Power to Get Unstuck. Her journey took her to Buenos Aires, Patagonia, Portugal, Span, Italy, Utah and the Grand Canyon.
Kelly grew up in Nashville but now resides in Rhode Island. This book is the first of a four-part series, so stay tuned!
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
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