Questioning why can’t I find love again? Looking for love and finding the right guy come with unique challenges in midlife. Discover how to overcome them to meet your mate.
Why Is Dating So Hard?
Have you been looking for love for a while now and feel unhappy with your results? What can be more frustrating than hoping to meet the man of your dreams and coming up empty handed?
Time is slipping by and you are still not meeting the right man. Why is this happening to you? Why should it be so difficult to connect with one decent guy? And most importantly, what can you do to turn things around?
I’ve been in your shoes and understand the pain you feel. When you have been single for too long, it leaves you wondering how you will ever be able to change your status. You struggle and fear nothing will make a difference.
It’s hard to imagine what could happen that will change the course of your love life. Who knows what will help you finally connect with that one amazing man you’ve been dreaming about for years?
Why Can’t I Find Love Again?
There are so many reasons why love might feel illusive. I put them into four categories:
1. Lack of Activity. If you do something only once a month or less, you are not actively seeking love. You may be thinking about it, but you need to take action weekly if you are serious about meeting your mate.
2. Low Self-Esteem. You don’t feel worthy of love. When you lack confidence, you attract men who do not appreciate you. This is because you don’t appreciate yourself or understand your unique value as a woman.
3. Anger about Men. After being heartbroken, cheated on, or disappointed, you have a bad taste in your mouth about men. You might feel most men are not good enough for you or that in general women are superior. This makes it nearly impossible to find a man who can jump the unrealistic bar you set.
4. Dating Knowledge. Last but not least, some women hold mistaken ideas about dating without realizing it. This can be the hardest situation because you don’t know what you don’t know. So, you could be making devastating mistakes with the best of intentions.
Do you see yourself in any of these four categories? Maybe more than one applies. It’s not surprising because these reasons are commonplace and many women suffer from a mix of reasons, leaving them asking, “Why can’t I find love?”
What Can I Do to Turn Things Around?
The good news is there are a number of empowering steps you can take to get past these limitations that prevent you from meeting “The One.”
After going through this myself, meeting the adorable man I married, and now being a love and dating coach for women for 20 years, I have a pretty good idea.
Below, I’ll share 10 empowering steps you can take to change your romantic karma once and for all to find love again.
10 Steps to Find Love Again
1) Clear the Past. If you want to find love with a good man, you have to be free of your past. It’s time to clear a space for your new man. This means toss old love letters and other mementos, get over the anger about your situation or your ex and heal your heart. Then, figure out a way forgive your ex and yourself!
Don’t skip this step – it’s really the most important one.
When you look for love without clearing feelings about your ex, it will be very difficult to connect with a new man at the heart level. In fact, you might attract men with similar issues which happens often for many women.
If finding love has been super tough for you, start with clearing and healing.
2) Believe in Love Fiercely. Thinking about how to find true love? One thing that helps is a fierce belief in love. Develop a deep knowing within that love is your destiny. At this point, even though there is no evidence, you have no doubt of this truth. This belief gives you a foundation of strength to weather any storm or disappointment along the way.
Coming back to this idea kept me going while I was dating to find my husband.
3) Love Yourself Deeply. You know you’re a great catch and you have an appreciation for who you are as a person and a woman. Self-love provides solid footing for surviving rejection and establishing firm boundaries.
This means it’s time to start taking really good care of yourself. If you’re interested in finding love, start by loving yourself first. When you feel worthy, you’re able to draw the line and not accept anything less than being well-treated.
Read more on how to love yourself
4) Learn What Works Online. If you’re online or the dating apps, you are taking the steps needed to meet new men. Awesome! Dating is a sorting process to find a good match and you have to meet lots of men to find “The One.”
However, knowing what works on these digital tools is not so obvious. many women just follow a friend’s advice or take a stab at the process on their own. Sadly, this often leads to lots of mistakes and needless frustration and heartbreak.
Discover what works by reading a book, taking a class, or signing up with a love and dating coach (like me)! If you don’t, you are likely doing things that work against you and will get in your way of your finding love.
How to Find True Love
5) Meet 3-4 Men a Month. When you are serious about finding love again with the right man, you put yourself out there to meet men. Your dream man can’t find you unless you are out and available! Make your future dream man’s search easier by aiming for 3-4 first dates a month. Then you are on the path to finding love.
If you often ask yourself why can’t I find love again, it might be because you don’t meet enough men. No excuses now. It’s time to get out there!
6) Be a Fun Date! Do you treat your first date like a fact-finding mission? If you tend to be a detective when texting, talking by phone, or interviewing your date the first time you meet, YOU ARE NOT FUN!
Remember, he is checking you out too and you have to pass HIS test. So many women tell me men just can’t pass their test.
If this is true for you, then realize you have set the test up for all men to fail. This is keeping you safe and preventing any need for your own vulnerability. That means you are not really open to men or love.
Relax because you will learn what you need to know over a few dates. So, don’t go for the jugular and ask why he got divorced right away. That will make him uncomfortable and then he won’t have a good time. When that happens, why would he ask you out again?
Give a man a little space. There’s plenty of time to share your love war stories as you get to know each other. Some questions require a build up of trust before you’ll get a truthful answer.
Instead, keep the date fun, light, and entertaining if you want a second date.
Here are five ways to know he likes you after a first date
7) Keep Expectations in Check. Dating can be very exciting, especially when you meet a man you like who seems to like you. However, you need to manage your enthusiasm because you can literally scare him away by expressing your excitement and feelings too soon.
Share your enthusiasm with a girlfriend, but be cool with your new man. Smart women play their cards close to the vest and let a man express himself first. If you’ve been quick to share your feelings in the past, this might be one reason why finding love has been hard.
More Tips For Finding Love
8) Roll with Rejection. If you’re dating, rejection is bound to happen. You simply can’t avoid it, because there will be men you don’t like and men who do not like you.
Learn how to manage your expectations, which will also help you handle rejection more easily. Another dating tip is to get back out there faster, when a budding relationship suddenly ends.
You will become more skilled at handling the disappointments, so they don’t drag you down or keep you from finding love. Don’t get stuck on why can’t I find love again and feeling down. Instead, roll with it and go meet a new and better man!
9) Remain Optimistic. I help my clients find ways to stay optimistic about dating and finding love. When you hold a strong belief that love is your destiny, that can keep you moving and feeling positive. Feeling positive causes you to be so much MORE ATTRACTIVE to men!
There are always new men to meet, so keep that chin up.
10. Persevere! If you are serious about how to find true love, you need to keep dating and meeting men until you find your mate. When I was looking for love, my ability to stay the course kept me active.
When I wondered, “Why can’t I find love again?” I’d shift my thinking to be more positive. I would think, “He is on the way!” and I would keep meeting men until I finally found the right man for me.
Why Can’t I Find Love?
Well with these 10 tips, now you can! While there’s no question that dating over 40 or later in life is more challenging than when you were young, so what? If you want love, DO WHAT IT TAKES TO FIND IT!
I love to quote my matchmaker friend, Nicole LeClerc, who said, “No one ever looked back after finding love to say, ‘Oh what a waste of time that was.’”
No way! You’ll know it was worth every crummy, disappointing date you had once you find that one amazing man who loves you dearly.
Finding the guy who is fun, supportive, generous of heart, and willing to share life’s up and downs means everything. A man who is sexy, sweet, enriches your life, and kisses you deeply is worth every uncomfortable moment you experience while dating.
I know he’s out there, so please help him find you!
If you want more dating advice for over 40 or any age, download my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Keep You Single