Do you like having orgasms? (Hear me out…I promise this is leading to relationship books)
I do. There’s nothing like a full-body-shaking, breath-taking, heart-pounding orgasm that causes me to wake up the neighbors. But as much as I love sexual orgasms, I love stimulating my brain. I love it when something blows my mind.
You know what I’m talking about, right? I call them mind-gasms.
Those life-altering, perception-changing ideas make you profoundly question your deepest beliefs. They make you feel giddy inside, maybe even a little scared to step into what you have just learned. You start to see the world differently. You begin to question that which you have never asked before. Then, you can feel yourself evolving to the next stage of your personal development.
Now, I’m not one of those trendy kids who gets off watching Game of Thrones, but I do love to read. A lot. I love those books that explain why my past relationships failed and how to have better ones in the future. I love those books that challenge the status quo of leaning on our partners and the ones that teach us how to have soul-stretching sex that creates such intense intimacy that we are forced to take a deep, honest look at who we are.
(Speaking of intimacy, take a look at my free Intimacy 5 Challenge here)
My Addiction to Relationship Books
Like a sex addict is addicted to sex, I’m addicted to reading. I have a book-buying problem and tend to read 5-10 books every month. I have a library of 200 books that have transformed practically every area of my life.
Books, unlike blog posts on the Elite Daily, require work to finish. Some have caused me to put it down and go for a walk to remove the sick feeling in my stomach. They’ve confronted my deepest fears and helped me through my darkest depression. Books take the knowledge and experience of those who have struggled, learned, and grown before us to transcend time with their wisdom of experience. They teach us to reach into the depths of our biggest dreams and persevere through the challenges we may face. Books are a window into the future development of humankind.
Today, I want to offer you some of the books I have that have transformed the way I love. Some of these books are easy 200-page reads. Others require time, And an exploration into the journey of your mind, heart, and soul. Each book has unique exercises that have helped many, including myself, become the lover and person I am today.
My Favorite Relationship Books
The Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch
The Passionate Marriage is the best relationship and marriage book I’ve ever read. And I’ve read a TON. David Schnarch confronts the cultural stereotypes around marriage and romance. He reminds us that our sexuality is not in its prime when we are teenagers or college students. He argues that our sexuality doesn’t mature until well into our 40’s and 50’s. Even though I am only 27, I can tell you that my ever-expanding sexual experiences and openness have offered me some of the best sex of my life. I’m looking forward to seeing how much more it develops.
David challenges couples to stop settling for pathetic, disconnected sex. He guides the reader into some of the most intense intimacy challenges I’ve ever had to do. From hugging to relaxed (a gateway into who we are) to orgasms while we gaze into our partner’s eyes, he boldly walks alongside us into reaching our full potential as a lover and person. The book teaches us how to overcome low desire. How to stop leaning on our partners for support so we can hold onto ourselves and have the most passionate relationship possible.
Favorite Chapter: Fucking, Doing & Being Done: It Isn’t What You Do, It’s the Way You Do It.
Favorite Quote: “Giving up your individuality to be together is as defeating in the long run as giving up your relationship to maintain your individuality. Either way, you end up being less of a person with less of a relationship.”
3 Ways This Book Will Change Your Relationships:
- It will teach you how to cultivate healthy relationships by using the struggles in your relationship as a gateway into personal and relationship growth.
- You will be challenged to stand on your own two feet. This will cause you to brush up against your emotional barriers to intimacy. Whether you break through them or keep them up is your choice.
- The book will profoundly change the way you make love and have sex.
You Should Read This Book If:
Your relationship is lacking passionate sex. If you want to reach your full potential as a lover and person. You’re feeling sexually inadequate. If you’re going to feel so deeply connected to your partner that it feels like you are transcending time and space.
Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum
Mira uses her vast experience working with clients to take the reader through thought-provoking (diagnostic) questions that evaluate the quality and potential of a relationship. Questions range from respect in the relationship to shared dreams and goals. This book helped me assess a significant decision in my own life.
At the time of reading this, I was pursuing my dream of living abroad, and I was trying to decide whether to stay in a relationship or not. The book helped me make the right decision. The content covers a wide range of deal-breakers and lovemakers for you to evaluate whether your relationship is Too Good to Leave or Too Bad to Stay.
Favorite Chapter: You Say “Tomayto,” I say “Tomahto.”
Favorite Quote: Here’s a four-line history of many relationships:
“I can’t believe how many things we have in common”
“Actually, in some ways we’re very different.”
“We are really so different.”
“We are just too different.”
3 Ways This Book Will Change Your Relationship:
- It will help you decide if you are on the fence about whether to stay or not.
- The book will clearly explain the difference between tolerating problems and not respecting yourself.
- You will see your partner and relationship in a very different light. This may cause you to fall deeper in love or leave.
You Should Read This Book If:
You are not sure if your relationship is right for you. If you want reassurance, you’re in the right relationship. If you are feeling uncertain about whether to chase a dream or stay in love.
Deal Breakers by Dr. Bethany Marshall
This book was written to teach women how to deal with emotionally toxic men. The type of guys that make you anxious and question, “am I doing something wrong, or is it him?” As a relationship coach, clients deciding whether the problems in their relationships need to be resolved is a tough choice. Like the book, I often receive clients who are passively hoping their partner will change as they pay the price of emotional depression and therapy bills.
Staying too long in unhealthy #relationships will make a once healthy partner unhealthy. #datingadvice #love
— Dr. Antonio Borrello (@eDatingDr)
The book is an insightful read into setting up boundaries that give you the self-respect to create the relationships you want. It also does a fantastic job describing some of the psychological problems of the men women date and how those problems create the toxic relationship.
Favorite Chapter: The Scriptwriter
Favorite Quote: “A deal breaker is a boundary that smart people set for themselves because they know that falling in love can make them do stupid things”
3 Ways This Book Will Change Your Love Life:
- You’ll learn how to set your deal breakers (non-negotiable boundaries) and stick to them. Thus improving the quality of your relationships.
- You’ll learn where the relationship has gone wrong, enabling you to either try and fix it with your partner or leave if they are unwilling.
- You’ll become aware of the biases and perceptions all of us have that prevent us from truly loving our partners. By bringing awareness to them, we can overcome them and begin to see our partners for who they are, not who we want them to be.
You Should Read This Book if:
You are in an unhappy relationship. You’re hoping your partner is going to change, but they haven’t. Or if you feel depressed about your love life.
SuperBetter By Jane McGonical
If you’re on the threshold of trying to manifest one of your unlived dreams or overcome significant health issues, then SuperBetter is the book for you. Jane takes the stresses and problems in our lives and gamifies them. She teaches us how to create allies and to use power-ups to overcome exhaustion and self-doubt. She takes the reader on major quests such as starting a business or rekindling romance.
By leveraging the latest psychology, Jane teaches us how to use modern science to our advantage. In the relationship section, Jane talks about overcoming lonely thoughts and dealing with the bully we all have inside. As I’ve come to learn, beating myself up is never a fair fight. The book guides you through overcoming these hardships, plus many more, by building your secret identity and beating bad guys on your path to the epic relationship and lifestyle you want.
While the book is not focused on intimate relationships, the self-development of the book always impacts our relationships. Whenever you choose to improve yourself, you are always choosing to enhance your relationship. Overcoming hardships, becoming more resilient, and loving will not only make you a better person, but it will create the room in your heart to be a better lover too.
Favorite Chapter: Secret Identity
Favorite Quote: “Taking committed action… means doing at least one thing every day that speaks to your most important goals and values, no matter what obstacles are in your way. Researchers have shown that every time you successfully take committed action, you increase your hope, optimism, and self-efficacy.”
3 Ways This Book Will Change Your Life:
- It will teach you how to gamify the most complex challenges in your life so you can overcome them
- Learning how to find allies and power-up is a life skill that will improve your career, passions, and love life.
- You will learn how the beliefs and stories in our head can be changed to encourage us to take the action we need to take to be the person we want to be.
You Should Read This Book If:
If you have a big life dream that you want to accomplish. If you’re battling health issues or want to lose weight. Or if you have some significant stress or problem in your life that is draining you day after day.
The Happiness of Pursuit by Chris Guillebeau
I read this book in a few hours. It’s addicting and inspiring. Chris takes the reader through countless life-changing journeys that others have created and achieved. Like SuperBetter, The Happiness of Pursuit causes a paradigm shift in going after your goals.
By creating quests, developing empowering routines, and pushing ourselves beyond how we see ourselves, we achieve more than we could ever imagine. Chris used the skills he learned in the book to travel to every country (192) in the world. Another girl used a quest to become the world’s youngest open water sailor. The Happiness of Pursuit is a simple but powerful read.
Favorite Chapter: Life Listing
Favorite Quote: “I’m always surprised about the level of creativity that comes from setting guidelines and boundaries. You would think it’s the opposite – that having complete freedom makes everything feel more possible – but in my experience, that’s not the case. I like to say that sometimes to be the most creative, you have to get in a box instead of the old stand-by thinking outside the box. Often, limitations force you to think differently about challenges and lead to better innovations and ideas.” (Elisa Blaha)
3 Ways This Book Will Change Your Life:
- It will teach you how to set clear goals that are fun to accomplish, even when we face obstacles that we think are impossible.
- You’ll learn how to create daily routines that make small chunks out of big goals. It’s like cutting down a tree. If you chop a tree in a thousand different spots, what’s going to happen? Absolutely nothing. But if you chop the tree in the exact same spot a thousand times, you’re going to bring it down.
- By the end of the book, you’ll have a life list that will be challenging, inspiring and will make your life a journey worth living.
You Should Read This Book If:
You want to achieve your life dreams. If you love to create lists but struggle to complete them. If you want to travel the world, start a business, or take some crazy wild adventure.
Relationship Books Bonus
The Singularity is Near by Ray Kurzwell
During the month of April, I also finished The Singularity is Near: When Humans Transcend Biology. While this book has practically nothing to do with our relationships now, it does discuss the future of relationships when our biology becomes entangled in our technology.
The book, while “out there,” is quite inspiring and thought-provoking. It brought me up to speed on some technology trends I wasn’t aware of and some of their complications. If you read it, you’ll learn about artificial intelligence and how scientists are trying to program robots to heal illnesses and genetic problems, among many other interesting areas.
You Should Read This Book If:
You’re a nerd who loves to explore what the future may hold. You’re obsessed with technology.
Good luck on your reading journey!
Dedicated to Your Highest Self,
Kyle
Did you learn a lot from this post? Here are three more to read next:
This post was first published in 2016, but it was updated in 2021 just for you.
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