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When we suggested that what Carol called a “string of failed relationships” were really blessings, she bitterly laughed and called us crazy.
She’d survived two very difficult marriages and divorces, along with dating various “losers” along the way.
Needless to say, she felt like a complete failure when it came to dealing with men.
Her friends had been telling her to “get back out there again”…
And she was so afraid that she wouldn’t survive another failure that she contacted us for a no-charge conversation.
Here are a couple of questions that helped her to find the blessings of her failed relationships and can help you as well…
1. What did you learn from each relationship?
These “failed” relationships can be any type of relationship–your parents, your children, a friend, a co-worker, an intimate partner.
When you take a step back and away from the blame, guilt and judging yourself and the other person…
You can always see something new that you learned about yourself.
When we asked Carol this question, she immediately angrily shouted that she was stupid to pick an abuser to marry.
As she settled down after her outburst, we urged her to allow an even deeper answer to emerge.
When Carol stopped blaming herself for staying too long in an abusive marriage…
She saw that she learned that she did have the courage to leave a bad situation that she didn’t know she had…
Even if it her took awhile to do it.
2. How does what you’ve learned show up in your life today?
When you stop focusing on how these relationships should have been different and how damaging they were…
When you focus on “What did I learn?”…
You will see new possibilities that are showing up in your life today and are opening a path to your future.
We’re not saying that damaging things didn’t happen to you in the past…
But we are saying that what you focus on in the present moment brings it to life in the present moment and in your future.
When we asked Carol how what she learned in her “failed” relationships showed up in her life today…
After considering the question for a moment, she quietly acknowledged that it’s much easier now to say “no” when she doesn’t want to do something, especially to her mother who’s always been demanding and needy.
It much easier for her to think of what she wants as opposed to being the habitual people pleaser she once was.
Carol saw that maybe, just maybe, those past relationships were gifts in creating the person she is today.
Is she ready to get back to dating?
Only she can and will decide from moment to moment what’s right for her.
What she did take away from our conversation was a new confidence in the knowing that flows inside her…
And is inside all of us if we allow our stories of how these relationships SHOULD have been to die down.
Contact us if you’d like to have a conversation about seeing new possibilities, especially around your past relationships…
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